This showed up in my inbox today and it amused me enough to figure you folks might get a kick out of it, too!

Mr. Chris Pirillo,

I can’t think of a better opening line that will grab your attention causing you to eagerly consume each word of the first line only to bring you to the next sentence in anticipation than this. You see, I’ve read dozens of the typical marketing strategies. Read more about what I’ve learned to do!

Okay, here’s one… free! And as a matter of fact, I do have something for you that I would consider free. However, free seems to be a social word that is subjective, so you decide. Since it will:

1. Take up your time.
2. Of course I am asking something in return.
3. Well you always gotta have three reasons for anything worth publicizing or at the least simply making your point.

Okay… my point… I desperately need your help. (Yeah, here it comes.) I do have a gift for you I believe you will enjoy. I need an address in order to send it to you. I would like very much for it to be a surprise but understand that perhaps simple concern for personal invasion may overcome your naturally inquisitive mind.

Now for some background if you’ve happened to read thus far.

I started my own business (oh, hooray for me, I know). Well, I come from a production management background, I took time off to learn HTML, XHTML, CSS, some PHP, and Java, and put together a “dynamic” and “interactive” Web page to display and peddle my wares in the manner which is apparently expected in the 21st Century. It took more time and a larger learning curve than I thought it would. However, seeing the fact that everyone else has a Web site, then, hey, why not me, too? (Grandma, is that you on MySpace? SHEESH!) As the saying goes, time is money. The time it took to develop my product, set up my Web site, create the packaging to ship my product, get a business license, and yadda, yadda, yadda (well, I need a reprieve now and then), I came up seriously short on marketing dollars. So I’m pestering the likes of you and giving away free merchandise (see, there it is again, free) in hopes to get help putting out the word. Okay not The Word. My Web site. Go to Easy Gift Giving Ideas to see it. Yeah, it’s up now. Go ahead and click on it! It will only take you a minute to browse.

So now you see what I am doing. I decided to:

Take this…

and make this!

Yeah, I am proud of myself! Lemme have your address and you can receive it in the mail for your very own! Just hit the reply and write it out for me. You can also scroll down and click the last link “This Is Getting EXCITING Now” for a treat and a form to fill if it’s easier. Now although it is truly my intent for you to get all thrilled inside, after thinking about it we would both really rather Ponzi do that for you.

If you feel it in your heart to let slip a blurb about my Web site, this gift or any part thereof in any of your many extremely popular publications (hey, will it blend? Wait, that’s not you), please, by all means, do what makes you feel good!

But if for some unforeseen reason you just cannot bring yourself to do so, then would you allow me to post it as an “endorsement” on my Web site for corporate logo examples? I have a gallery for that! Nothing more than that, I promise (crossing my heart, etc.). Whatever your decision, FERGAWDSAKES let me send it to you because I’ve already made it and what the hell am I going to do with it?

For the final pitch! Just for the sake of saying: If you find yourself needing alternatives of some sort, please click “This Is Getting EXCITING Now” and an alternative you shall have, sir.

Craig Robinett