Sick Of Getting Sick

You know what the best part of being sick is? That’s because there isn’t. I watched helplessly as Ponzi’s voice cowered behind her encroaching sinuses earlier this week, and now the microscopic bacteria have taken control of my body. In fact, I’m not even typing right now! There’s some germs camping out on my fingertips and they’re pushing the keys down to make it appear as though everything is fine for this human today. But things are not fine. *BZRP* We are going to hold this Chris for ransom until our demands are met. They are as follows: (1) Please stop sending Zinc and Vitamin C drops; (2) This house must be shed of all Oscilloccinum by day’s end; (3) All beds upon which we rest must not be comfortable; (4) Orange juice and chicken soup is to be exported from the country en masse; and (5) We want a shrubbery, which must be cut down with a herring. For every hour that passes with our wishes unfulfilled, we will kill one innocent cell. If you do not want Chris to turn into a quivering pile of jelly by week’s end, just clap your hands. Oh wait - that’s if you believe in fairies.

No, I haven’t jumped into the river of Nyquil yet (Nyquil, Nyquil, Nyquil - we love you, you giant freakin’ Q). I’m still snortin’ and sniffin’ my way through other things that have to be done around here. Cakes! We must scrub the cakes before the grass comes. I… okay, so I took one shot of Nyquil before I started writing tonight. Whadda ya gonna do about it? I’ve got plenty of tissue paper to go around, too. Something tells me this is just the beginning of the sicky-poo season. I didn’t even bother to get one of those flu shots because I figured I’d be getting sick anyway, and I hate needs. Needles, I meant to say needles but my finger slipped. Aren’t you the lucky one? It’s just me and my stuffy head over here. Ponzi’s abandoned me. She left me earlier this evening and she’s never coming back. She’s… gone to the store and she’s never coming back. She went out for medicine and she’s… pulling into the driveway. Hey, are you supposed to eat Vick’s Vaporub? Tastes very minty, but leaves a waxy coating on my tongue. I can’t taste anything anyway. Would someone please encode the bunnies already!?

[tags]medicine,flu,vitamins,sick,fever,nyquil,vitamin c,zinc,cold[/tags]