Boo! Heh, did I scare ya? Halloween is one of those holidays that I always enjoy. I’m still very much a fan of the whole “spooky” phenomenon, but only during this time of year. The pumpkins are carved, the candy is on sale, and every kid is running around dressed like a chicken with its head cut off. That is, unless, they’ve actually planned ahead a bit and decided on an original costume. The ol’ standard in my childhood home was Han Solo for me. I didn’t have to breathe through any nasty masks, and I didn’t have to wash off any goopy make-up before going to bed. Remember candy corn? Yeah, I hated it, too. There was always that one neighbor who handed out pennies. And if I had a nickel for every penny I got on Beggar’s Night, I’d probably have enough to buy a single package of candy corn (which I would immediately throw away). Costume parties are always fun, too - where grown-ups get to enjoy a different kind of punch. I haven’t been involved with anything scary since leaving Des Moines. In California, you just don’t walk up to strangers and ask them for candy handouts.

Skeletons, witches, werewolves, vampires, ghosts, goblins - they’re not to be trusted. I used to hang out with ‘em in high school, but that whole crowd has just let themselves go to hell. Ah, sorry - couldn’t help myself. I don’t have any better Halloween jokes to tell this year, so if you have any suggestions, I’m all ears (largely because Ponzi dressed me up as Dumbo a few minutes ago). We’re a pretty creepy couple - she’s pretty, and I’m creepy. All together, we’re ooky! I’m still avoiding processed sugar as much as possible, but when you put chocolate in your pocket for over an hour, it starts to get ooky, too. That would make the coolest costume - a melted white chocolate bar! If you’re dressing up this Halloween, you’d better hit the costume shop before next weekend. Otherwise, you’ll be left with few choices (and I’m already calling dibs on Han Solo). You can play ‘trick or treat’ without disguising yourself, but don’t be surprised if they take you away in the paddy wagon before the night is over! Save yourself the time and just rent the straitjacket today. You’d be crazy to let this holiday pass you by without getting involved. This is Halloween!