Guitar Aficionado?

Maybe because it was Thanksgiving and for some strange reason I found myself in the supermarket (that was actually open), but I walked past the magazines and one jumped right out at me.  No, this is not what I told the policeman.

It was probably the combination of the Reverend Billy Gibbons [ZZ Top] on the cover and the title, which was Guitar Aficionado.  What magazine like that would not be just for me?

Well, as it turns out, this was exactly the magazine that was not for me.

———-

I believe there are three basic types of guitar magazines: the fanzines, which appeal to kids; Guitar Player and the like, which appeal to musicians; and Vintage Guitar, for the real sickos (like me) who only read it for the pictures.

Strangely enough, Guitar Aficionado fell partly into the Vintage Guitar category and partly into …  I don’t know…  Vogue?

No, really.

I remember reading a blurb on the magazine earlier, which stated it had a feature on John McEnroe, who apparently has a fantastic collection of lefty guitars.  This, folks, is what’s referred to as Guitar Porn.   I never saw that issue, but you generally don’t lose when Willie G. is on the cover.

Unfortunately for me, the main reason the Rev was on the cover is that he posed in designer threads inside the magazine.   Imagine, the man himself, from that little old band from Texas, dressed in thousand dollar-plus jackets.

My wife sure was impressed.  Me – not so much.

Ok, to be fair, there was a small story on Pearly Gates, Billy’s number one guitar.  A feature on actor Bruce Greenwood’s guitar collection.  And more cigar, liquor, clothing, and watch ads than one can swing a dead cat at.

Small wonder my wife was impressed.

Perhaps they should retitle the magazine `Guitar for the Terminally Wealthy’ or `Booze for the Fashion Conscious’ or `How to Assemble an Appropriate-Looking Guitar Collection’.

The most ironic part of the experience was my wife looking at the leather jackets and saying that I needed a new one anyway.

“Sure, Dear… if I’m not getting a multi-thousand dollar designer guitar, I’m sure as hell not getting a multi-thousand dollar designer jacket.”

It was a cleverly-designed magazine, if nothing else.  Next time I promise to peruse more carefully before the fact.