Punxsutawney Phil, Pennsylvania’s most famous rodent (Ed Rendell aside), was found dead this morning, at age sixty three, in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. The cause of death is an apparent self-inflicted gunshot.
While it is too early to rule conclusively and there was no note, police believe it was a clear case of suicide.
Authorities have put together what they believe to be the chain of events surrounding Phil’s untimely death. As he did every year on February second, Phil popped his head up out of his hole to check for his shadow. Since poor Phil lives in Pennsylvania, where the state bird is the cloud, there is simply no way there was going to be any sun to provide Phil with a shadow.
Despondent from years of no sun and suffering from a worse than normal case of Seasonal Affective Disorder, according to Phil’s wife (Mrs. Phil), Phil decided he had no other choice and pulled the trigger.
Mrs. Phil noted that Phil had been on antidepressants for years and had recently changed pills. She would not comment on whether or not she thought the most recent medicine was responsible for Phil’s suicidal bent, although she mentioned that he had been a real dud `in the burrow’ lately.
In lieu of flowers, Mrs. Phil requested donations be sent to the CIA, earmarked Weather Modification Donations (WMD).