It is the night of November fourth. The polls have been closed for two hours or so. The talking heads are, well, talking. In fact, they’ve been talking for about a year, not that anybody noticed except the talkers themselves. The twittering about who won the election is audible all over the place, like a sustained drum roll that just sits in the background and annoys the hell out of people.
The ghost of Tim Russert is standing on top of NBC headquarters, very old telescope in hand, looking forward in time to when the Big Announcement<tm> will arrive. He is scanning the horizon.
Meanwhile, all of the major networks and even some of the minors are watching Russert’s ghost, while the rest of the divisions take their time moving their traps and saying nothing in humongous quantities.
All of the sudden, the Ghost leaps up and screams, “The President is..” and the clock gongs.
Not sure what to make of it, the Network Folks continue to watch, expectantly.
The Ghost twists himself into a knot and yells, “NO. THE PRESIDENT IS…” and the clock gongs again.
The CBS Talking Head turns to the FOX Talking Head and asks what he said.
The FOX Talking Head says, “Bush… errrr… McCain has won!”
By the point the Ghost is apoplectic, leaping up and down, and screaming,
“NO, DAG-BLAMMIT – I SAID THE PRESIDENT IS….” and the clock gongs.
The CNN Talking Head turns to the ABC Talking head and asks if he has any idea…
The ABC Talking Head says, “I think he said `the president is near.'”
with apologies to Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner.