it's time for a left-handed president.. [me]

Ok, folks, I’ve about had it and the election season is only beginning. I’ve had it with fools and idiots in government. The kleptocracy must be given a pink slip. The liars and thieves need to be tried for treason and removed.

I am hoping that the threat of me running for president will frighten Ron Paul into the spot.

I give you the leftystrat platform:

tax breaks for the left-handed
I stand for the Constitution and each of its amendments – so will those under me
the environment? I’m for it.
DUI’s: breathalyzer by the side of the road. If guilty – death. Same for child molesters.
No `free speech zones.’ But you had better not block doors or streets.
The Federal Reserve is neither federal nor a reserve. Bye!
no more corporate welfare
no more unending social welfare or unemployment
reduce government by at least 80%
abolish the income tax – we pay too many taxes already
bring our soldiers home from everywhere – it’s none of our business
decriminalize drugs and suicide – it’s none of the government’s business
one topic per-bill legislation: no added items, no pork
no more money to other countries. Not one $%*#ing cent.
Personal Responsibility. Got it?

In my first year, I will:

force Congress to obey the first amendment by stopping led prayer before each session
have Congress pick from two HMO’s for their healthcare and pay for it
anybody named Bush or Clinton will have to pick up around the House for their pension
bring back paper voting (and locate people who can count)
reassign the NSA to going after spammers (we’ll throw them in Guantanamo)
halt all random police stops – use the manpower to go after people who don’t use their turn signals
appoint a national bird: Adriana Lima
fine businesses that charge more for lefty products
invite Alex Jones and Jeff Beck to the White House
pay off national debt by contest – winner takes a shot at Cheney
White House Spokesmen: Matt and Trey from South Park
if Congress wants a chaplain, they have to pay for him themselves
tell the truth about 9-11 and ufo’s
Foreign Minister: Andrew Dice Clay
No bottle opener? Hey Condi…..