How Microsoft Can Recover

perhaps Ballmer can retire to the Galapagos, where he can be amongst his own kind

Nearly every column I read lately speaks of how poorly the Microsoft stock is performing, how Vista just can’t catch a break from consumers (by way of reviewers), and why the sales performance is down.

First, all references other than the Whitehouse speak of the downturned economy. That is why we are having a stimulus package, don’t you know? Eight years of greed and mismanagement have taken its toll on everything within the United States, and if BBC World News is correct, screwed up much of the rest of the world as well. Thanks, ‘W’ et al.

Second, Microsoft has been performing as poorly as the executive branch for about the last 3 years, with things promised not delivered (WinFS, greater speed, fewer glitches), changes made that caused more problems than were solved, and other things released with that ‘old x.0 revision bugaboo’ (Windows Home Server).

Third, with Mr. Gates retiring, there is only the face of Steve (Darth) Ballmer for the loyal customer base to see. With his Tom Cruise-like antics, innate lack of people skills, and general Bizarro demeanor (you Superman comic fans know exactly what I’m talking about!) no one knows where to turn.

I have an idea!

When a baseball team is struggling in the late innings, and needs a run or two, the manager gets the worst hitter on the team up to the plate, with instructions to lean in, and get hit by a pitch. This gets someone on base that would otherwise be a certain out, and allows the manager to get a great clutch hitter up at bat to drive in a run or two. The hit batter may have a bruise or two physically, but comes out much ahead of his fate if he is allowed to strike out in the time of need.

Let’s apply this analogy to Microsoft. Why doesn’t Steve Ballmer ‘take one for the team’  and retire? He certainly has enough money to retire, very wealthy, and as an incentive Mr. Gates can buy him his own island estate in Dubai, where he can be just another yuppie schlub with delusions of grandeur and a sunburned bald head. Someone else can be named CEO in his place, and can do all the contrition required for the user base to come back into the fold, and during this healing period the fixes for several egregious errors can be put in place.

Ballmer doesn’t have to deal with those he doesn’t like (everyone who would not bow to his glory) and as an added bonus, his shares go greatly up in value!

Win for him, win for Microsoft, and especially, an out- of- the- park victory for the customers!

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[tags] Microsoft, stock price increase, reduction of enmity, ‘take one for the team’ [/tags]