Eligible For Government Grant? Whoa! (In More Ways Than One)

“Hello, this is Randy Williams,” the voice on the other end said. “I’m calling you about a government grant.” I was immediately intrigued. “You’re calling me about a government grant, Randy?” I asked. “Yes, you are eligible for a $5000 government grant,” he replied.

It sounded more like “goberment” over the scratchy line.

Now I’m generally kind and polite to these folks. I respect the fact that they’re out there working for a living, doing a job that many folks wouldn’t want to do. I usually thank them for their time and promptly excuse myself. But Randy’s line about government grants set off some bells.

It sounded just too good to be true.

Of course, it was.

“I’m eligible for a $5000 government grant, Randy?” I asked incredulously. “Where in the gobernment are you located?”

“No sir,” he replied. “I am calling from the Government Grant Association.”

“Wow!” I gleefully exclaimed, with far more exuberance than possibly due. “The Government Grant Association. That’s great!”

“Yes sir,” he replied.

“So where are you located … in Washington, DC?” I asked, ever so inquisitively.

“No sir,” he said politely. “We are located in Florida.”

Of course, he didn’t sound like he was in Florida. Not from the sound of the scratchy line. Not from the inflection of his voice.

Randy quickly launched into the many virtues of government grants. He laid out a convincing pitch. I played the happy hook-line-and-sinker gobbling yet still skeptical fish. Fielding my battery of questions, Randy quickly rattled off a street address in Clearwater Florida and a toll-free number. I checked the digits and came up dry.

“So Randy,” I asked. “Does the Government Grant Association have a website?”

“Yes Yes,” he blurted. “Our website is [deleted].com”

I went to go check it out as Randy continued to sing the praises
of government grants, which he promised did not have to be paid back.

I plugged the URL into FireFox and saw that, lo and behold, they
did in fact have a website, and a flashy one at that. I tried to register to see all of the good stuff, but when I clicked the link, it went 404.

Not a good sign.

Nor was the fact that the contact page contained only a form (of
course, I did have the street address).

Just as my radar goes on orange alert, Randy moves in for the close.

“In order to get your $5000 government grant, all we ask for is just $199.”

“Just $199 to get a $5000 grant,” I skeptically asked.

“Yes, $199,” Randy replied. “But it is totally refundable.”

At this point, I decided to run a whois on the domain. It took a
few tries to find the right registrar, but when I did, I was surprised to find that the domain information was available, and even more so, that it was indeed in Florida, although it was a different city.

Randy continued to press to close, as the connection deteriorated.
I told him about the scratchy (but not itchy) line and he promised
to call me back. When he rang a minute later, I picked it up to hear
jabbering in a language other than English.

My “Hello” was met with a click as the line disconnected.

When the line rang again, I quickly picked it up. It was Randy.

I couldn’t help myself as I laughed and hung up.

And a day later? Their predictive
dialer hit me again …

“Hello, I am calling about a $5000 government grant.”

I could only go half a minute with the poor soul before I burst out laughing again.

Are government grants for real? That Lesko guy seems to think so.

I might look around, but I’m not going to plunk down $199 to find
out for sure …