Everything in my life has been hard, learning, reading, composing emails, writing this blog. It’s hard for me to get a good grammatical structure. School has been rally hard for me the past twelve years (K-12.) Learning is something that doesn’t come for me. I can try my best and that’ all I can ask. Even making friends is very hard for me. Now I am not asking for you to feel sorry for me. That’s not what I want. I just want everyone to understand why my life is so hard and why everything is so hard for me. I am not normal and I don’t think straight as well as I should I have several disabilities and that makes it hard for me to do anything. Writing this is hard for me. I had to get a lot of help in school all the way though kindergarten to high school. I wish I could be as smart as I want to be, But that won’t ever happen. No matter how I try to make it better.

Having these disabilities doesn’t stop me from going to school or even blogging or updating my Twitter status. It just affects my school work my future jobs. I am worried about my life, I really am. I have even gotten help. I’ve taken tests to see what it is. I don’t know what it is and I wish I knew. Just writing this blog is making me cry because I don’t want the world to see who I really am. I’ve always kept everything inside of me because I am scared. There is really nothing I am really good at, everything I do I either fail or succeed. I wish there was something besides computers. Maybe If I try really hard I can get better at something else as well. All I really do I hope at this point.

Now inside I am a very nice and sweet once you really get to know me. My friends were nice people. But I think I am losing some of my friends and that really hurts me inside, They were really the only people I have and the people who I could trust. Now all that is slowly being taken away from me. I don’t want to lose my friends, But I understand that they’re in college and they have lifes outside the internet. I don’t sadly, I use to hang out with my friends all the time, Now I have nothing left. I don’t understand at all. I think my friends sometimes are ashamed of me because I’m not as smart as they’re. Most of my friends do well in school and at work. I never will. Sometimes when I am asked to do something it takes me longer to do it. So then my family or friends get frustrated and they have to do it and then there mad at me because they thought I could of gotten it done faster. I even eat slow and do everything slowly. I guess my brain likes to do things that way. It just hurts me when I see my own friends or family members get mad at me because I cant work faster then they want me to.

My parents sometimes even worry about me and my school work and even keeping a steady job. But can I blame them? Of course not, I am not capable of living up to expectation that people put on me. Maybe they’re worried that I haven’t seen reality. What ever it is I’m sure I can figure it out soon, I just need to take it one step at a time. Starting with school. Once I finish school then I can find a job. I can’t really handle multiple things at once.

Nothing has ever been easy for me. I just want the world to see who I am at times. Now that you’ve heard my story I hope you can all understand me more and realize I am just an average Joe trying to do the best I can. Usually my writing has gotten me into trouble in the past because every body thinks I am some emo kid who is already depressed. Truth is I’m not. This is who I am and I am not going to chance for anyone. Even if my disability does effect my daily life, I can’t help that. That was my story and I hope you can all finally see why it is so hard for me. Everything is so hard for me.