Yula’s Ark - Chapter 19

The night was black and alive. Yula sat on the porch and catalogued the sounds: crickets, an owl, the breeze. The cabin itself groaned. The men slept soundly inside, Xavier occasionally coughing in his sleep. Yula wished she could do something for him. He wouldn’t take enough of the cough medicine. He said it made him drunk and he couldn’t do his work.

The day had been a lonely one for Yula. Fearing the authorities, not wanting to attract attention in Hafton, Scott had driven all the way down to Gunniston to buy packets of food and bottles of water. Then Tenner had disappeared, most of the afternoon and part of the evening. Yula suspected he was sicker than he’d let on. She knew Tenner wouldn’t let others see him helpless.

Or he’s avoiding you, Yula told herself. He doesn’t want to talk about what we have to talk about.

Yula tried to review her feelings about the last few weeks. She’d journeyed to a different world and fallen in love with it. Or was it Scott? The sounds of the forest swelled in her mind. She’d been taught so early on to be afraid of Nature. It was frightening, dirty, messy. There were rats in the trees and spiders in the grass. Kill them–that had been their answer for a thousand years. But yet, deep inside her, Yula longed to be part of it all, to hunt for food, to stalk a mate, to bring bloody, drooling, screaming life into the world.

Yula looked at her watch. It was time to wake Tenner. She would wait a little longer. There were decisions to be made.

Will you go back if Xavier fixes the machine? The forbidden thought had inserted itself into Yula’s brain like a pesky splinter. She would have to guard her thoughts. If Xavier knew she wanted to stay, he’d be angry–so would Abcedif. They would accuse her of womanly emotionalism.

Yes, damn it, she cursed to herself–I am a woman.

Yula glanced at her watch again. Ten minutes after midnight. She couldn’t put it off any longer. It was Tenner’s turn to stand watch–he wouldn’t like her to be late. Yula considered waking Scott instead. It would be nice, to make love at night for once, under the stars, with the animal sounds of the woods cheering them on.

Yula stood. Must behave, she warned herself. Personal feelings aren’t important. You are on a mission. All else is trivial.

Stepping into the cabin, Yula felt the heat of the fire on her face. The bodies of the three men were sprawled at angles on the floor. Yula stepped to Tenner.

"Tenner," Yula whispered softly into his ear. She’d awakened him like this before, when she’d wanted to make love, in the morning.

Tenner’s eyes opened and Yula could see he’d been dreaming of the same thing.

Yula stood abruptly.

"It’s your turn to watch," she said. It sounded colder than she’d meant it.

Tenner stood and stretched. He grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. He turned back. He wanted to talk. She owed him that much, she guessed. But the blankets on the floor looked so warm and inviting.

"Okay," Yula whispered and followed Tenner out the door.

They sat silently together on the porch. She’d had other boys before Tenner. They’d been kind to her, they’d loved her she guessed. But she’d yearned for more excitement. And then came Tenner, who smelled like a man. He was rough and she tumbled for him. It was she who’d talked Abcedif into including him in the project.

"We need a rugged person," Yula had argued. She remembered Abcedif’s smile when she’d said that.

Have you changed Tenner, or has he just grown up? Is he trying too hard to please you? Doesn’t he know it was his hard, animal ways that you liked about him? He’d wanted her right off–at the front of his thoughts–with no apologies about it. She’d said yes in her mind and he’d taken her desperately and Yula had loved him for it.

"Do you love him?" Tenner asked finally.

"Yes."

"Did you ever love me?"

"You know the answer is yes," Yula told him.

Tenner swallowed. He wouldn’t ask any more questions. Everything was so different here. When they were back in the future he would win her again. Without all the distractions, though it would never be the same.

Yula took Tenner’s hand. There was no use hiding thoughts. They were like brother and sister in that. They knew each other too well. That was part of the problem.

"I do love you," Yula said sincerely.

Tenner believed her. He wanted to make love to her, maybe for the last time, so he would remember it. So it would be special, so he could endure his pain through the coming days, months and years.

"You’ll find someone else," Yula reassured him.

"I don’t want someone else," Tenner whimpered. "I’m sorry," he added quickly, not wanting to cry, not wanting her to see him like this. He wouldn’t beg. He wouldn’t try to work on her sympathy. He wasn’t a child.

"You can’t stay here," Tenner said as calmly as he could. "You aren’t one of these people."

"I know."

"Xavier won’t allow it."

"I know," Yula repeated.

"Neither will Abcedif."

Yula nodded.

"I’m tired," she said and stood.

"Good-night," Tenner said to himself when she was safely inside the cabin. Panic shook Tenner’s body. You’ll be alone for hours, with just the black night for company. You’ll have to think, you’ll have to cry. It will be like this from now on, for the rest of your life, without her. Nausea overtook Tenner. The uncontrollable urge to throw up hit Tenner in a wave from his head to his stomach. He stood carefully, stumbled down the steps and made his way to the woods.

Is it her or the virus? Tenner wondered as the contents of his stomach hit the ground. He ached–that was enough. He wouldn’t blame her. He wouldn’t ruin it beyond repair. He would hold his anger in check. Later, he thought, when she’s back in her own world and her mind is unaffected by Scott or the viruses of this place…

Tenner fell back on the ground. He stared up at the stars and wondered if it could ever be the same with her. Is that why they did it? Tenner wondered. Is that why they chopped down the trees and put poison in the waters and dirtied the air beyond breathing? Because no one loved them? Or loved them enough? So all life seemed like hopeless garbage?

Back on the porch, Tenner reviewed his time with Yula. He surprised himself with the things he remembered–their meeting, the times they made love, certain particular things she’d said, even the arguments they’d had. It all became clear, like the night air in this time. Tears came to Tenner’s eyes and he tried to think of something else, but his thoughts always returned to Yula.

Xavier’s cough interrupted Tenner’s despair. The creak of wood, then Xavier’s footsteps. The cabin door opened and Xavier coughed his way next to Tenner.

"You can go to sleep now," Xavier told the young man.

"Are you okay?"

"It’s just a cough," Xavier told him.

"It sounds pretty bad."

Xavier nodded and held back the impulse to cough again. He swallowed hard, stifling the juices building in his bronchial passage.

"I’m not used to being sick," Xavier admitted. "How is your stomach?"

"I think it’s getting better," Tenner said as cheerfully as he could make it.

"You should sleep," Xavier told the young man.

Tenner nodded. He felt like patting Xavier on the shoulder for encouragement. Xavier had so much knowledge, about everything, from transistors to human beings. If only he would share, Tenner thought.

"Good night," Tenner said and shuffled into the cabin.

Xavier stared down at the road. He concentrated on that distant strip of reflected moonlight. His mind needed the break. The years had taught him many things, the most important of all, the use of his own mind, from which all else was derived. He’d sacrificed, of course. There was no room for so many things he’d recently started to crave. Seeing Scott and Yula together had brought some of it back. But that’s what the project is about, isn’t it? Recovering what we’ve lost. But to Xavier’s surprise, he found himself recovering regret, and love, and sorrow.

Xavier shook his head and blinked his eyes. Stay awake, Xavier. Watch for the police. Xavier’s mind inevitably drifted back to the device. He considered the options. It was Abcedif’s device really. Like Xavier, Abcedif had an aversion to sharing. Abcedif had only told Xavier what he thought Xavier had to know about the gadget. Now Xavier was paying for Abcedif’s secrecy. And so were Yula and Tenner. Well, maybe Tenner. Yula seemed happy here. She’ll ask to stay, Xavier felt. Xavier considered what he would say then.

Xavier looked at his watch. 4:30. The time had gone quickly. It was Scott’s turn to watch. The sun would be up soon. Xavier decided to wait. His cough would return if he put his head down anyway. Watch the sun come up. Over those trees. Engrave the thought in your mind. That’s what you’re here for after all, to capture this beauty for your children and grandchildren.

"You don’t have children," Xavier muttered out loud. "You don’t have grandchildren." Misery caught in Xavier’s throat. He coughed, then he cried.

"You didn’t wake me," Scott protested, coming onto the porch. It was almost 7:30.

"I couldn’t sleep anyway," Xavier told him.

Scott sat next to Xavier. There was a cup of coffee in Scott’s hand.

"I’ll watch if you want to go to work," Scott told the older man.

"Okay," Xavier said. He stood, stretching muscles and bones that had sat in the same position for hours.

"How’s the thing going?" Scott asked.

Xavier shrugged and stepped down off the porch. A moment later he’d disappeared behind the cabin.

A frightening thought crossed Scott’s mind. He’s faking it. He’s not the genius he pretends to be. He doesn’t know how to fix the device. Not really. That’s how we got into this mess–pretending we know.

That wasn’t the only reason. The greed boys, the soldiers of expedience and the captains of destruction had taken everything of value–every bit of it–while Scott and his generation screamed at the TV and tried to find a space between the cracks of commerce. Scott felt personally responsible. He’d felt himself becoming one of them, incapable of emotion, but able to fake it, acting normally, mouthing human-being sounds, while in the eyes there was nothing. Scott had found himself becoming impatient with anything but his own purposes. Comfort–the siren song of success. As someone else defined it. Scott felt sick just thinking about it.

"I have another list," Xavier said, coming from around the corner of the cabin.

"Okay," Scott sighed. "Give it to me."

copyright 2007 Brenda H all rights reserved.

[tags]Brenda H, novel, sci-fi, fiction, writing[/tags]