The Importance of Friends

Friends are something I have truly come to appreciate. I have never really had very many friends, and often, my friendships do not last long. So, I treasure them while I have them, and learn to let go, when they are gone. I guess friends are like treasures really, you enjoy them while you have them, but sometimes it is a good thing to let them go.

On my journey for example, I have owned a lot of ‘things’ off and on throughout the years, but traveling made it so I had to let them go of them at times. It was kind of fun though, because I got to collect up more, and discover new worlds that I perhaps never would have known, had I not had the time/room for them.

Sometimes we just grow apart, or maybe we really were never on the same page. It is hard sometimes when you like people, but things aren’t really right; but such a relationship deserves a parting.

In my personal situation I am just ‘way’ too different for most people’s taste. I tends to intimidate a lot of people because I know so much, or they follow me around like puppies, calling me their guru. I never seem to not make some kind of impact on people’s lives, and I have had many people run as fast as they could from me, regardless of how much I really love them.

Now there are those who have stuck around, but these are few, and I cherish those of them that are true. I must admit, I am not always the easiest person to be around for very long, and those who can handle me 24/7, they are incredible people. I figure if I have a lot of friends, then I will have only enough time around each one of them, that I will never drive any of them away…lol.

Yes, I have had this problem my whole life. It became worse however at the age of 15, after my first acid trip. Mind you, it was quite a horror of an experience, but it opened me up on levels I had never known so deeply. Suddenly I could see into people, and into things…I could ‘read them’.

This was a problem. First of all, seeing people’s horrifying experiences before your eyes, and all they had been through was a little overwhelming, and at times I felt no internal privacy. The voices, the visions, I had no control over, and they were to me, nothing but a curse.

It was bad enough that I could see so clearly, but worse yet that those around me did not appreciate it. Things would just tumble from my mouth, or I would subconsciously respond to what was going on with them, and try to help. No, people did not like that at all. It had been a minor issue as a child, though a big enough problem for my mother to get a little upset over it.

As if it was not enough that I had this talent/curse, weird things happened quite often when I was present, or things that I was the ’cause’ of. Another strike against me. I will never forget when I was driven out of the gay crowd I hung in, for being a ‘witch’. It was quite a scene, I tell you what. It wasn’t that I was claiming to be a witch, it was just that they figured this must be the case.

I have had people call me a lot of things, and go running the other way. Some of the people I loved the most, have left me, never looking back to say good-bye, and all because, I am ‘different’.

You do not ‘choose’ who you are, you just are. At times I sacrificed ‘me’, so I would not alienate, or push others away, but what is one, if not one’s self? There is a fine art though, the art of learning not to speak, to listen, and not say what is on one’s mind. What law says just because you think it, it must be exposed?

So, I have learned not to speak, and to listen, and it is a wonderful thing! I learn the most interesting things when I listen, and I suddenly find myself asking why? Why would I want to vocalize my thoughts all of the time, when I could just enjoy and grok the thoughts of others. Then, I am so much more, than what I was when I spoke.

I am not saying I do not speak, but I have learned that it isn’t as necessary as it once was. I guess perhaps I have come to just accept and understand what I know, and no longer have the urge to speak it…just live it.

This art, is the best friend maker ever, everyone loves someone who really likes to listen to them. In fact the person who can listen, is usually the one that is most trusted and accepted. I have observed great adulation from people for my listening skills, especially those who are normally not heard. Everyone desires to be the center of the universe, the thing of desire everyone cherishes. Those who are hermits, often secretly desire it most, but are alienated from prior rejections.

So it was with me, and I hid away, not wanting to upset the reality of others, or suffer the pain of their eventual rejection. I turned the pain into a wall, an attitude, a way of thinking. No, they would not hurt me, and slowly, my heart began to close.

It took many years, but eventually, it was hard to feel anything at all. I still knew my path, I still was me, but my soul was not the light hearted creature it had once been.

I began that road frustrated, then pain evolved into anger, and the cycle continued onward. Why could I not have the one thing I desired most? Friends, lovers… parades of pain and frustration, my heart slowly ripped to shreds, until it was numb.

But then, amidst the war zone of my heart, there were a few, a few who stuck by me. By this point though, scar tissue layered my heart, and it was hard to find the passion, hard to find the happiness I had once felt within. Ah, to have traveled so far fighting for the love of life, and to end up unable to feel it…what a cruel thing it was!

The salve though, the salve of friendship, the salve of lovers making love….no heart is without the capacity to heal. Friendship, friendship is the most important thing…it is all we have really. Experience so empty, without others to share it with us! Cells alone cannot survive, and friendship is no more than cellular connection on a deep level.

Friends expand us, and make us more than we were, or less. They can alter our lives in profound ways. They introduce us to things we have never been a part of, teach us from their very example, and share with us the very fabric of their souls.

The walls come down when you are friends, and there are special privilege passes, depending on how deep your friendship goes. The complex world of friendship, at times so painful, but so very worth it.

I once burned my bridges, and many friends I have not spoken to in ages. A long path through my life, having known so many, but now know so few. No ‘if I hads’, no need to look back, but, so many, so many left behind.

Yes, friends they are important, no matter how painful the road may be….I love each and every one of them, and always will.

Dream deep, dream true, and always be you. The friends they will come, if your signature is truly yours, open up your heart, open up your doors. The path to life is connection, not who wins the election. In the end, it is all the same, the only reason to play this game…life friends, love, hate, connection… emotions gate.

Make your dreams come true, with all your friends standing beside you…success alone is an empty place. I will walk beside life, it is my closest friend. The road with my friend, difficult at times, but well worth the price.

Friends. They are worth your time.

Photo by vassiliki