I Don’t Want To Play Anymore

What is up with all the headline only feeds?
All I’m getting are the story titles and no story under them.
Did you guys screw something up or have you just changed the way you do feeds cause I ain’t liking this way at all.

This is probably a question more geared toward Chris( chris at lockergnome.com), but yes, the format was changed for the newsletter. It was pretty tedious scrolling through whole articles, if you wanted to skip something, and this just made it easier to read what a person specifically was looking for.
I rather like the new format myself, but I am not one to read every article. For those bloggers who care, it also aids them in getting more hits on their page.

Not everyone is deaf (though you wouldn’t know it from the previous posts).

I listen to my own set of clichés… and they are readily mocked. But you are correct; there is no way out, but through. And I believe there are greater rewards for those who don’t fall prey; but who can stand fast. It is literally ALL that keeps me alive.

In my world, I feel surrounded by people who are walking in their sleep. Every word I say is met with a sigh, and an: “It’s always the same thing with you”; whereupon the conversation quickly returns to discussing video game strategies, or the latest in personal communications devices.

So, in the evenings, I walk down to the last remaining patch of living earth within 20 miles of my house, and I sing sad songs to the wind. Sometimes I catch a whiff of what the air smelled like when I was a kid. Sometimes not. I try not to notice the burning lights of the city just over the tree line.

And I think of all the fucked up things I did in my life, like: getting married too soon (or AT ALL, for that matter); working in the oil fields; serving up alcohol at the local bar; even repairing personal computers; etc, etc, etc… None of it ever ended well; and in the end, it was all just “feeding the beast”.

I feel guilty for ever having put my hands on money. But what else can ya do? Ya gotta eat, right?

Ever see that old picture of the guy standing on a three-story high pile of buffalo bones? Yeah… he’s one of MY ancestors, baby! I’ve been apologizing for similar atrocities all my life; while everyone around me just goes on their merry way, waving their little flags!

So I stay small, and just hope that when it all DOES blow up in their faces, I’LL be far enough out of the way. It’s the best anyone can hope for.

Wow! It’s eerie how closely your thoughts and sentiments echo my own? I sense, in you, a kindred spirit. It’s a comfort to know that there’s another mind pondering these same issues. Thanks so much, and please, keep up the good work. It does not go unappreciated.

E2001,
I can very much relate to what you are saying, and it is difficult to keep going at times. I have spent the majority of the last 20 years in as much hermitage as I could manage, but I am really tired of lack of connection.
I find that I may have to pile through many to connect to a few decent people, but in the long run, it is worth it. Being alone though makes it very difficult, and I am more apt to feel bitter and resentful.
I think that guilt though is not necessary, just a decision and the action behind it to change. Guilt merely weighs our souls down, and that only plays in the enemies favor. A trodden down soul is so much easier to control.
Learning to be happy amidst it all, and making change in one’s personal life to the best of our ability, that is the most important thing to do. It can be difficult, but it is possible.

Steve,
Thank you! It is good to hear another voice desiring change!

Oh, but I believe a certain amount of guilt is called for… Guilt that my efforts only served to make others rich… Guilt that I helped build their cities and their playgrounds… Guilt that I participated in raping this planet! Those are pretty good things to feel guilty about, IMHO.

When I was a kid, I was glued to the TV during the Apollo missions (that should tell you about how old I am). And I thought that Star Trek was the coolest show ever! But now that I know a little more about the way things work; whenever I see a space shuttle launch, I think: “Yeah… and they blame ME for high taxes and global warming!” But back then, I was totally gung-ho about the space program. Hell, I would have even voted for Nixon, if I was old enough!

Oh yeah… I DO think a bit of guilt is appropriate!

E2001,
I was raised Mormon, my whole life was nothing but guilt. My stealing a chocolate chip cookie made me feel like I was going to hell. As a child around the age of eight I contemplated suicide my guilt was so great.
My adoptive father is a true German, he made me feel guilty for existing because I was a ‘genetic freak’ in his eyes.
Later in life I was to do things I was to feel such guilt over, I just could not fathom ever being able to process it. I literally felt guilty at times for just merely existing.
One day though, I realized I just had to ‘let go’, that my continued guilt served no purpose, other than to weigh me down. What was done, was done, what was in the moment is all that matters. I let go, and just let every ounce of guilt leave me. I had learned the lessons my guilt has served, but the purpose it served was over.
Later, I came to understand that I no longer even needed the emotion of guilt, which only serves to keep us from repeating something again that we do not want to repeat. Guilt however can eat us up, and this serves no other purpose than to consume our life force, and that which we ‘could’ give to reality.
Because I just learned not to repeat my mistakes, when I made one, I just didn’t repeat it, so there was no reason any longer for that emotion.
In nature we only have what is needed. When the trait that was once useful, no longer serves a purpose, it is let go of, and you move on.
This is a higher law of reality, the law of evolution. I think that transcending guilt, and the need for it, take us to greater levels of beingness, where we can serve a greater purpose, no longer tied down to the levels that hold us back.

shadowmyth,
I’ve lost my guilt a long time ago. I’m simply saying that there are maybe 5 or 6 billion people who haven’t even found theirs yet!

On second thought, maybe only one or two billion. The rest are just sheep.

Yeah, less than 5% are what I call ‘real people’, the rest are just programs running to their genetic and pre-programmed beat. Hard to rationalize with a program.

ShadowMyth, ShadowMyth, ShadowMyth.

It is very ironic that you seem to speak my mind, yet probably not the minds of the masses who need to hear it the most. It is an extremely depressing reality(?) we live in. And you are right. There’s nothing we can do. We can’t run or hide or fight, there is nothing we can do where “The Man” won’t be laughing from his penthouse, or from his ferrari, probably on the way to the bank.

I’ll tell you a little story of mine in brief. I too had had enough of the crap, of the world which revolves around money! I was sick to death of this thing called money, what is it? It’s just junk, I’m always too scared to handle it excessively, in an attempt to avoid picking up germs from the millions of other greedy mits it’s passed through. I just imagine millions upon millions squandering it in the the cup of their hands, their eyes alit, drooling over it. So I quit my professional job, I had plenty of this “junk” to get me away, somewhere I thought was far. I live in Australia, and there is an island to the south of the mainland called Tasmania. Not many people for its size, 35,042 sq miles, with a population density of 18.8 per square mile and 40% of the state being National or State parks and forests. So I loaded up my sturdy car, the bear basic essentials and set off, expecting to rough it in the bush, the real Aussie wild, the tent, the sleeping bag and the true blue billy. Upon arrival of this small island via ferry from the mainland, I was quickly shocked. Thinking to get away from the corporate strangle hold of the world by heading for the bush I was gravely mistaken. To go camping, to go back to basics to nature of mankind, I was expected to fork out for the following: 1) Entry permit into said parks and forests 2) Permit to pitch tent in said parks/forests 3) Permit to light a camp fire, even if only to cook dinner on 4) Permit to go fishing, in the forest lakes, streams/rivers 5) Various other small fees, or tokens of goodwill, for “maintaining” the forest. At this point I was afraid that someone would begin charging me for the air I was breathing there. I didn’t stay too long. On the way home I swear I thought I could hear a few fat cats, in their plush suits, chuckling pleasantly to themselves.

I had a very similar experience, as I lived off of the land in state and federal parks for 7 years in a few states, mostly Oregon. Toward the end we gave up, as it became more regulated, and the forests were being destroyed by loggers, 4 wheelers, etc. It was very disheartening. I will however never lose my appreciation for those years and the experiences/lessons it brought me.
Thank you for sharing your own experiences, it is good to know what is going in areas other than one’s own. I still have belief that things will all work out, but don’t ask me for any logical explanation as to why! lol.