ShadowMyth’s Babblings: Good Sex
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Greetings, and good evening. I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately, you know the kind that are very intimate. It has been 4 years plus since I have been laid, and I am getting rather tired of waiting for a decent guy.
In my youth, it was no big deal, I laid whoever turned me on. Yes, some would have called me a slut, but I prefer to look at it as I had a very healthy sexual appetite. Unfortunately though, some of us gain a greater sense of discrimination, the older we get. Our tastes become more refined, and we desire something more than a quick tumble that is over within hours. Well, at least I hope it would be hours.
You know I do not even believe in some perfect love that will last forever thing; that is just really unrealistic and overly romantic. In the real world, people grow and change, and circumstances change. So, it isn’t like I am looking for THE ONE, if you get my drift. I am just looking for a guy that has some maturity, loves sex and is somewhat good at it, is healthy, and adventurous. That is just a rough outline, but odds of finding someone who meets my criteria are extremely low it seems.
Everywhere I go, I look at men. At the library, the grocery store, events, clubs…I have looked so many places! My daughter read a few books on male and female relationships, on a chemical biological level. Her research has greatly altered my perceptions in this area.
According to her, when we encounter a member of the opposite sex, we know if it is going to be a good match. We do not have to talk to them, or engage in any mutual activity, we just know by sight. It is all wrapped up in the whole alpha/beta thing, the symmetricalness of appearance, etc., but it all comes down to we know.
So, I have been looking, and looking, and in about two years, I have only seen a very few males that made me look twice. One of them actually made me very much desirous of a personal meeting. I could tell however from his appearance, it would not last long. He was of a class of people whose world I could not even begin to relate to. It was too bad, as the chemistry definitely went both ways.
I have not seen a single man in months, that would make me feel good inside. The funny thing is, a few years ago, I decided I wasn’t ready for a man. I felt I wasn’t equal, to what I desired. For the last few years I have worked toward being, what I wanted in a mate. I worked on being healthy and fit, sharpened my mind, and learned to focus on what was important in life. Perhaps I am not perfectly ready to be my desire’s equal, but I am darn tired of waiting any longer!
Another cruel joke my daughter summoned from these biological sex books, was that people with a lot of similar interests, aren’t sexually compatible. It cited a study where women were told to smell the worn t-shirts of men they did not know, and determine upon body odor, who they would like to have sex with. The men that women typically chose, were those with the exact opposite interests as themselves. It was concluded this was due to the need to join dominant strengths, and make up for each others weaknesses, for the act of procreation.
Once again, what a cruel joke! It is no wonder that the men I like the best, would make the worst mates. It is terrible, but all the men I have ever desired are bad boy types, and living with them can be hell. I think that there should be communal houses that women all live in, and share together as family. The men all live in their own communal housing, and we can have coital visits, and dates with one another. It would solve so many problems!
Men wouldn’t have to hear women bitch, and women wouldn’t have to put up with men’s slovenly ways. Yes, that is stereotypical, but stereotypes exist for a reason! I have met a few men who do not fit the stereotype, but they are rare and far between.
Now, I will admit that there are people who have turned me on over the last few years, but they were mostly women. Sure, I lean that way too, but it just isn’t the same in my opinion. When I have sex, I would much prefer a man.
All this time, getting ready for a decent guy to come along, and I am going to probably end up falling for a rocky relationship. It seems you either get good sex, or you get along, but not the two together. I guess if I had my choice, it would have to be the good sex. lol.
[tags]sex, relationships, good sex, coitus, body odor, genetics, alpha males, beta males, mating, bad boys, procreation, slut, lockergnome, shadowmyth[/tags]
6 Comments
joejoemckjoejoe
August 17th, 2007
at 3:54am
Chemical concoctions of oxytocin, vassopressin, and opiorphin driven by visual, social, physical, and aromatic stimulation. Your saliva contains a opioid 30x as potent as morphine. Think about that the next time you drool at a tight end. Semantic constraints are nagging limitations that hinder sexual acuation. Like they say in that old unwritten book, you use it or lose it. Sexual promiscuity, I believe like any general behavior can influence gene expression and ultimately alter behavior. By laying off, one might even activate introns that operate in a negating fashion to one’s otherwise open libido. These subtle reactions run on scales, polarities, and dichotomies, action potentials and as such, despite being mostly hardwired, they are more complex than they seem, even as they are spelled out in mainstream science. Love and sex are drug addicitons that compliment each other. Maybe a purification ceremony or ordeal poisoning would serve to bring you more perspective. It is that fickle 200 year old problem, we get old now, and mate selection battles engrained social preference. Maybe monogomy should be put out to pasture? conditioning conditioning conditioning…
shadowmyth
August 17th, 2007
at 8:35pm
The whole “If you don’t use it you’ll lose it”, idea there. Well, I certainly do not care about monogamy, but finding one guy is pretty difficult, let alone more than one. lol. I am just really picky Joe, but I have set a goal for myself, and the date is SOON. I thought about the whole losin’ it thing, and I refuse. Sex is the basis of life, and I need to do some more livin’! My roommate wants to know if you can point him in some direction concerning opiates in saliva.
joejoemcjoejoe
August 17th, 2007
at 10:06pm
ok maybe I was wrong… it is still 6x more powerful than morphine though. Maybe I was thinking opium. At any rate:
http://www.opiorphin.org/
http://www.pnas.org/cgi/content/abstract/0605865103v1
http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn10514
also good to know: endogenous morphine
http://www.wired.com/medtech/health/news/2004/09/65053
yes, we are drug pushers, all of us…
nothing to do with the terroritsts :)
shadowmyth
August 18th, 2007
at 11:41am
Thanks Joe, I emailed the information you gave to my roommate.
Temoc
August 20th, 2007
at 8:46pm
Hi again. I had some success posting an earlier comment so thought I’d try something a bit more challenging.
Your post is illuminating although a bit alarming, and seems to support the sneaking suspicion that sex is not really intended for the middle aged. Sex then is for the undiscriminating young and anyone older lacking the desire or ability to become slightly more civilized and less animal about who we couple with. I imagine the scarcity of chemistry among the middle aged is also linked to the truth that men do not “get” women, and women do not “get” men, and the longer and harder we work at doing so the less we succeed at it.
Arrg. That “sniff” test also seems to support another stereotype whereby women are genetically prone to being picky about who they let into their bodies, whereas men are tuned to go in almost any circumstances. And really my limited polling suggests much less discrimination by men on the basis of physical chemistry. Almost anything slightly above average is enough to spark interest of the physical variety.
Until I read your post, I had been thinking I was doing something good by trying to understand the potential target group, seeking ways to communicate on a higher plane, and generally looking for partners that invited chemistry at that level. No? You mean this one that I have been courting ever so discretely and carefully for the past few months, with whom I am so far more in tune with than perhaps any other woman I’ve ever met, but who I have only so far shared the slightest touches with, is doomed to eternal “friendship”? Oh no!
Well, anyway, I hope there is a tiny bit more diversity in sexual experiences than the so-called social scientists acknowledge. People do vary. I want to have sex with a woman that I connect with on various planes. Quickies and one-nighters were great fantasies but in my experience the reality was always less.
I also think a lot of the disfunctionality in conventional couplings can be addressed through alternative lifestyles. Some sort of communal arrangements, acceptance of polyamorous and/or polygamous relationships, experimentation with different roles, are ways that sex can be made more compatible with a relationship that is driven by more than pheromones (or whatever they are).
ShadowMyth
August 20th, 2007
at 11:13pm
You know, I am 40 years old, and age has never entered my mind as to why I have not had sex, and I really never even saw it as meaning anything. That just was never my focus. ShadowMyth’s Babblings is my free area to write about whatever I am feeling and thinking, without the constraints of worrying about how I am serving my listeners. I was just pleasing me for a change, call it masturbation if you will. .I don’t plan to ever age, in fact I even have a method to prevent menopause.
As far as smell goes, it has been 100 percent accurate for me personally, and has never done me wrong. If I had listened to my smell, I would have never married my husband. Our whole relationship was rocky from beginning to end.
I have no problem with the idea of multiple partners to serve multiple needs, if that is what a person so chooses. I personally like to have one relationship at a time, at least if I am living with the person. I was actually going to discuss alternative families in one of my future pieces, as I live in an alternative family myself. Though I have left my husband, we still live in the same house. Our entire family unit plans on staying together, and adding to what is there as go along. We are a kind of tribe so to speak. I totally grasp the idea of alternative units, and am supportive of them.
As a writer I can only write about what I know, and from where I am looking. If people really want information about sex as they age, they can look that up specifically. Me, I am into the fountain of youth, and age is the last thing on my mind.
Deep emotional and connective sex, that is wonderful stuff, I could not agree less. However, I have only found one person that satisfied me personally on all levels, and it is a rare thing for most people. Usually we end up taking one or the other. I am not saying you cannot develop a relationship sexually, but it is far more difficult when it is not chemical, but stimulated.
I was trained to enjoy sex by someone I was not sexually compatible with. I thought something was wrong with me at first because I was not attracted to my mate, and I must be the issue. After being trained I was able to sexually respond, but it always felt wrong on a lot of levels. Mind you, we were great friends, but that is what it should have stayed.
That is why the whole thing about not ruining male/female friendships with sex…it most often does not work out. Now, about what I said regarding male/female relationships and the two never seeing eye to eye. Please remember I did not say this was the case for everyone, but that the general stereotype existed for a reason. I have known a lot of people, and they almost all tell me the same stories regarding the males/females in their lives…they almost all have the same complaints.
I have a belief, that world issues will not resolve themselves, until men and women resolve their issues. However, most people are not willing to make a lot of change in their lives, especially as they age, and I am tired of dealing with these male/female issues. In fact, not that long ago I was part of a middle aged group of women, who were always bitching about men and how they had to train them, yada yada…. We all talked about that idea of mine to move into separate housing, and they all jumped on the idea, thinking it was great. Recently when I watched 6 Feet Under, that was what the mom and her friends came to the conclusion of also, and they all moved into together.
Now I am not saying that this is an absolute, but rather a tendency to be so. I think it would be wonderful if solutions were found. You are a rare person obviously that has the capacity for real change and you desire to continue your evolution, as do I. However, finding a mate who is also willing to change and grow as a person, can be very difficult.
Anyway, I appreciate your comments, and thank you for showing me another perspective. I am always open to the ideas and perspectives of others, as they increase my own understanding of the world.