Many people these days have alternative lifestyles, or ways of living that are not mainstream. In this series we will explore various kinds of lifestyles, in an effort to become more informed about other ways of living.

I have decided to start with BDSM and D/s, as I have had many years of personal experience in this area.

BDSM is a term meaning bondage/discipline and sadism/masochism.

D/s means dominance, and submission.

Most people think that these are only related to sexual activities, but D/s is actually the common lifestyle for those with very traditional beliefs concerning male/female relationships. Quite a number of people into D/s specifically, do not engage in overt sexual practices that would be considered alternative.

D/s relationships can be of any sexual orientation, as can those of BDSM. Either male or female can take the submissive role, or vice versa. Often times those who have jobs or lives where they are having to be in constant control, feel the need to let go in a submissive manner. The majority of submissives, are quite often very dominant in other areas of their lives.

Those into dominance often lack control in various areas of their lives, or feel a need to be more in control. In nature, this is common for the male of the species, who wants to assert his masculine desires over the female.

Bondage is a part of the whole D/s appeal, and implies extreme trust and receptivity to the desires of the dominant. This area of BDSM is quite complex, and requires training. The Orientals have created an entire art dedicated to this process, and the complexity of bondage can be stunning. For the submissive, it allows them to let go, and not feel a need for control. For some people, this is a very sensual experience.

Discipline can relate to strictly the bedroom, or even activities beyond the bedroom, depending on the couple. It can refer to sexual disciplines and practices, that vary in complexity. It can also refer to activities such as house work, or common chores.

Subservience to the dominant is what discipline is about, and is very specialized, depending on the desires of the dominant. Sometimes the submissive has a say in what their discipline will entail, but the dominant must be agreeable.

Sadism is the use of pain for pleasure and control. There are many methods of inflicting pain, but they all require training of the dominant. Pain unto it’s self is not really a turn on, but executed properly, it can bring about bliss. It often utilizes such tools as whips, candle wax, electro shock, needles, ice, and various torture devices.

People into sadism often have extremely complex setups, and sometimes entire rooms they refer to as dungeons. Some of these dungeons are as complex as you would imagine those of medieval times.

The person receiving the pain, is most often taken through the experience in gradients. The goal is the ultimate experience of what is called *flying*. In this state, endorphins are released through the action of pain, and the person literally becomes high off of this experience. The pleasure can be so extreme, that a person’s heart will literally stop. For this reason, practitioners are encouraged to get basic emergency medical training.

Masochism is the enjoyment of pain, and there are quite a number of people who enjoy this art. Usually the masochist, or submissive, is given a safe word. This is a key word or action that will tell the dominant that the submissive is in some kind of trouble, or wants to bring the current action to a halt. Not everyone uses safe words, but it is highly encouraged, and can save lives.

Some people enjoy being dominant and submissive, and these people are called switches. They alternate being submissive and dominant with another switch, or between various partners. This is probably the most healthy form of BDSM, as it does not lock the individual into one role.

For approximately 13 years, I lived a BDSM & D/s lifestyle. I was the submissive. For several years this relationship was what is referred to as 24/7. I was considered a slave, and gave my personal rights over to my dominant. I was on call 24 hours a day, for the sole purpose of pleasing and serving my *Master*.

I was exposed to many situations, some in the privacy of my own home, and some were in public. I never left the house without wearing my collar, and was made to dress very scantily in public. Some of the things I experienced as a submissive were: being caged, not being allowed to speak for three months, tied up, tortured, and other creative endeavors that my dominant ordered of me.

Was it pleasureful? Did I enjoy it? Well, yes, and no. For many years I battled with it inside my soul, but the pleasures of it kept me around for quite a number of years. I learned many lessons about life via this experience, and I learned a level of self mastery I may not have attained otherwise. However, it would be the destruction of my marriage, and I was to walk away from this lifestyle.

I do not know if a person can ever be the same after delving into this area of life. There should be a disclaimer visible for all who ponder walking this path, stating you will never be the same again. Vanilla sex, as normal sex is called, becomes dull, and lacking the spice you are used to. It can also weigh down your soul as a submissive, or create addiction problems for the dominant. It is not a lifestyle to undertake lightly.

My current personal views on sex, is that it is meant to be a wild and animal experience. BDSM and D/s can be a very restrictive lifestyle for both parties, and I would never subject myself to such a limited affair again. I do however, still wear my collars, but now in symbolism of being my own Master. To each his/her own though, we are all on our own personal journeys.

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