Life As Ritual

Speeding Through the Day
Every day, awaking to the sounds of the alarm clock, the dog barking wanting to go outside, children needing help to get ready for school, breakfast, and then out the door to work. Regardless of what your lifestyle, the average American has little time to really dawdle. So focused are we on getting done what is happening now, so we can get onto the next thing that needs to be done. We exist in that space, not in the moment, but in the future. Where did that present moment go, that we never paid attention to? Just automatic reactions, moving through the motions, so that we can arrive at point b.

How many of us focus on what is to be done next, when we are in the middle of doing what we are doing? How often do we actually pay attention to what is really in front of us, fully, now… with no other thoughts in mind? When people are talking to you, do you think about what is going on at home, or about your date tonight?

When we do not really connect to what is happening now, in the moment, we can often get our signals crossed. Little accidents happen, miscommunications arise, we forget important details, and the quality of the experience will be almost always lacking.

What is a Quality Experience?
A quality experience is one in which we are centered, and truly a part of. Even a negative experience can be a quality experience. Let us say that someone was verbally attacking you. The most common reaction to verbal abuse is to retaliate in kind. This is a result of not being truly present in the experience. Instead of listening to what the person is saying/yelling, we are thinking in our minds “this person has no right to be yelling at me,” and other such defensive remarks. Our emotions tend to take over, and we are carried away in what we think is happening.

If we took a different approach to the above situation, odds are the final outcome would greatly differ. If you relax, and just listen to what is being said, you can make sense of what is really happening. Often times when a person is yelling at another, it is not due to anything personal. It may feel personal, if we allow our emotions to take over, but it does not have to be.

Usually when a person resorts to yelling, it indicates they are under a great deal of stress. Because they do not have a real outlet, they will lash out at whoever is available. If we are calm, we can assess the situation, and see if there is any validity to what they are saying. By opening up, and being receptive to what is happening, we immediately begin to defuse the situation. Being present in the moment leads to conscious action. When we allow our emotions and over active minds to take control, we are merely puppets to our subconscious fears and desires.

Every day we encounter beautiful and empowering moments, but most pass them by without recognition. When you are at the line at the grocery store, take note of the checker’s name tag, and refer to them by name. Engage them in conversation, and just enjoy communicating with another being. When you pet the cat, enjoy the tactile experience of their fur, and the pleasure of giving pleasure. When you play or communicate with your children, really get into being there with them. When you make love/have sex with your partner, leave the fantasies behind. Really focus on the experience, and let go to what is happening.

Rituals
Rituals are like consciously chosen habits. For example, most mornings I arise, and have a series of steps that I go through. I get up, take a shower, drink a quart of water, and do my qi gong. During my qi gong, Bastet, one of my cats, comes to visit me. I take a few moments break, and she curls up in my lap for a massage. If I am not centered, I will not follow this ritual, but end up heading to the computer after my shower. The days that I follow by my ritual pattern, tend to flow more smoothly, and feel less stressful.

Creating patterns for ourselves, enables us to develop more focus on what is happening in the moment. We may have other things to do, but this moment is set aside for a particular activity. It is very important to enjoy the activity to its fullest, and not be concerned for what you will be doing next. It helps if you add ambiance to your experiences. For example, low level lighting in the bathroom when you take a shower, or maybe some music in the background. Have podcasts to listen to when you drive to work, or maybe a book on tape. Little rituals like these can bring enjoyment and connection to your experiences, enabling you to leave stress behind.

It is possible to integrate meaningful rituals in every area of your life, whether it be work, or play. Ask yourself often: “Am I really focused in this moment?” If not, allow yourself to let go to it. If unrelated thoughts try to encroach, tell them you will get back to them later. You can not get to where you are going any faster, by thinking yourself there in advance. You will get to the next thing in its own time, but for now, be where you are.

[tags]focus, rituals, personal rituals, habits, patterns, podcasts, books on tape, showers, qi gong, cats, bastet, lockergnome, shadowmyth, water, sex, pleasure[/tags]