What I Like/Don’t like About Guys at Bars
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I am REALLY into dancing, so much so, it is partly the reason for my existence. So, every day I dance and work out. Some days though dancing at home isn’t that satisfying, and I crave the dance floor of a local club. Now, I am not really one of those approachable looking chicks, to some degree perhaps intentionally. I sport a large black widow & web tattoo, dress in black with a touch of red, and always look like I am ready to kick some butt. After I get on the dance floor though, and do one of my solo dances, they all seem to line up anyway. Oh well, I guess if I have to deal with drunks slobbering on me, and 90 year old men coming on to me, so be it for my sacred dance floor. Okay, I will admit, I enjoy the attention a little bit, but I really could do without all the weirdness!
I am one of those women who gets a nasty name for being a tease, as I usually turn down 99% of the men who ask to dance with me. I often say yes to women though, if I am not in the mood to dance solo. So, I think you get the idea…I am *really* picky. What I have listed below is my personal likes and dislikes of men at bars, and the majority of my feelings are often shared by my female friends.
- I don’t like it when you come up to me and assume that I have to dance with you. Sometimes I really am too tired from the previous dance, and I really need a rest. I tell you this, but you seem to think I am just playing you off. If I wasn’t interested at all, I’d just say “no thank you”.
- I like it when you are dressed sharp, and you *know* you look good. When I am saying “look good” , I am not saying you need to be a real knock out, but you need to feel like one. Some of my most intense relationships were with guys who did not fit the stereotypical idea of good looks, but these guys really felt like a million.
- I don’t like it when you leer and stare at me, and act like a stalker all night. If you are interested, come over and test the waters, otherwise, un-glue your eyes.
- I do like it when you try to engage me in real conversation, and have a genuine interest in me. Most of the women I have hung out with at bars are there for the same reasons I am; dancing, conversation, making friends…and maybe finding the *right* guy. Getting sex out of women can be difficult, and the fact is it usually involves an investment of your time. Otherwise I am sure you can invest some hard cash, and get a hooker.
- I don’t like it when you are really drunk or hyped up on drugs, and get pushy with me. And in my case it is not a good idea, or I will beat the crap out of you.
- I do like it when you dance, and actually know how to dance. Most of the women I know tout this as one of their biggest gripes…most men don’t dance! Dancing is one of the only real opportunities we have in this society to express our sensual and sexual sides in public without being looked down on, and a lot of us really enjoy the experience! If you dance, it tells us how comfortable you are with your body. Trust me, though men look for how a woman dances to tell how good in bed she is, women are thinking the same thing. Get some dance lessons.
- I don’t like it when you don’t BRUSH YOUR TEETH. That and make sure you have showered, have clean underwear/socks on, clean out your ears, etc. Also, I don’t like it when you do crude things like pick your nose.
- I do like it when I can see you are genuinely enamored/interested in me, and not just trying to get a quick lay.
My favorite moment at a local club, was when I turned down all the guys that night…except one. All kinds of guys had asked me to dance, some of them good looking, young, financially secure….but none of them had what I was interested in. Then this man appeared, quite confident in himself, very conversational, and incredibly funny! I don’t think he could have been taller than 4 feet tall, and I being 5′7″, there was a definite size difference. We sat and chatted, danced, and had a pretty good time. I smiled when all the guys I had said no to, saw me give my companion for the evening… my telephone number.
[tags] dating, bars, clubs, relationships, sex, Lockergnome, ShadowMyth [/tags]
8 Comments
Wayne Whitfield
June 29th, 2007
at 9:00am
Sounds like to much work to me.
And I’m not a LAZY man.
Jamers Garland
June 29th, 2007
at 8:24pm
You had me. I was yours until the very last line. You laughed at all the guys you had spurned? Nah, you can keep that little gold plated thing…
shadowmyth
June 29th, 2007
at 9:31pm
No, I did not laugh, I smiled. These guys could have gotten laid if they wanted to, and they all knew it. It was their general attitude that they deserved me regardless of their approach, rather than being genuine like this guy was. They all just wanted to get laid, and this guy wanted to actually get to know me…
Ho Daddy
June 30th, 2007
at 9:56am
Men hang out at bars basically for two reasons: they either gather with friends for a good time, conversation and eye candy, or they hope they’ll get lucky. Women basically do the same thing. I’m 65 and long ago stopped the bar/club scene because of the usual mind games played.
I respect all your rules honey, but if you usually drop by the same bars/clubs on a regular basis, the “regulars” will have gotten the message and just leave you alone. Just reading between the lines, I’m guessing you really prefer the company of women (as you eluded to). Maybe I read that wrong (??), but guys can sense when the’re wasting their time with someone, even after a few drinks. It’s either there or it isn’t. Tough to hook up with someone in that environment to begin with, as neither one knows the other’s interests, background, etc. It’s all b.s. exchanges, and both parties are equally at fault.
Yeah, dirty teeth, bad breath and body odor are a definite TURN OFF !! Yuck !! One would also wonder how often the bed sheets are changed. I belong to a couple of private clubs and am amazed at the low esteem some people there have of themselves. I can understand a guy showing up for a beer after work and having dirty clothes, but NOT later in the evening when he’s been home and then goes out still looking like a grub.
Didn’t mean to make this as long as it is, but your blog caught my attention. I happened across this site by accident, and will probably forget how I got here! LOL Oh, my nick is a private joke and definitely does NOT refer to my being a pimp!
Keep dancing … have fun, and don’t be so critical of people honey. Sometimes a guy just wants conversation and the words don’t come out right. AND, as mentioned in a previous comment, please don’t laugh at someone’s feeble attempts … Mr. “Right” might be looking and write YOU off.
ShadowMyth
June 30th, 2007
at 11:34am
Thank you Ho Daddy for your comments! Actually I prefer the company of men for conversation and for hanging out with. For dancing however, I like the sensual nature of women. If I had my choice though in the bedroom, I’d choose a guy usually over a woman. Yes, I know I am way too picky! I am so finicky, I haven’t had sex in four years! At the bars I tend to say no so often, because I personally am not looking while I’m there. I’ll *know* when I find the right guy, but I am not holding to the delusion it will be found in a bar! I have some female friends though that seem to think they will, and maybe, they will find what they are looking for. You are right though, if you are looking for sex it is best found through a club, or even through Craig’s list. Since casual sex is pretty much always a risk, it really doesn’t matter where you get it at.
Ms. Wahala
July 1st, 2007
at 3:51pm
I’m really enjoying your column. And I totally agree with you. Here’s what I think the problem is: as young men, it’s put forth to them that certain types of stalker behavior is OKAY, when it’s not. Not at all. It’s okay to pay attention to women, but just because they look good doesn’t mean they are “asking for” your negative attention.
I’m gonna have to start reading your posts every day…
ShadowMyth
July 1st, 2007
at 4:28pm
Thank you for the compliment, I am honored!
As far as men with stalker behavior, I just do not see what they think it will accomplish them. You would think that they would get the point, women are turned off by that. I guess testosterone just doesn’t have any logic to it, lol. My daughter who is a semi expert on sex, tells me though that in nature a male will move on if he is getting negative signals. She thinks it’s psychological issues, and it probably is.
Love to Dance
July 8th, 2007
at 10:40pm
I’m with you.
I absolutely love to dance. As a pretty in shape, moderately attractive early 30s straight guy. I had no idea what was going to be in store for me on the
dance floor I hadn’t danced much since college or really H.S. but recently getting in darn good shape and letting real loose on the dance floor has taught me Women really like a confident, healthy, tall man that can dance. The crazy thing is, it’s sort of a shock to women out there sometimes when they see a man that can really move and let go of his inhibitions. Beautiful women come up to me on the dance floor now all the time and kiss me, grab my body, ask me to dance, and other things. Not to mention, the hundreds of seductive glances. I had no idea! It sounds like you get a simmilar situation at the dance clubs. But you should see it from a mans perspective. I think women might be even more willing to push the limits with respect to sexual assertiveness. I’m pretty sure I would get arrested if I grabed women the way I have been groped.