…and, if you are really lucky, a full body cavity search.

#180 is ready for his civic commitment. Today I showed up at the courthouse to report for jury duty and, of course, had to wait in line to go through the metal detector - and this got me thinking. We desperately need to improve our technology for metal detectors. It is a shame we have these things all over, but as someone who telecommutes from Portland to California, it is high time we see some advancement in this technology. Whenever I think about this, I always remember that movie Total Recall where they are walking past a giant x-ray wall and the alarm sounds and big red circles surround the gun.
Science fiction, right? Not anymore. Let me introduce you to the BodySearch system: “TSA purchased several AS&E BodySearch systems to test as it considers new technologies for passenger screening at airports.”

Just like the ad in the back of the comic books for those glasses, this technology gives you x-ray vision so you can see the guns and knives on the bad guys as they enter the building. The technology exists, so why are we not implementing it? With the all the billions being spent on homeland security, we should be able to have one on every corner. Then maybe I can stop being patted down by disgruntled TSA employees. No, sir, I have never heard of the crotch bomber.

We will probably not see these systems anytime soon, so in the meantime, perhaps, we can try these simple options.

1. Allocate enough room inside the facility to create a line that, if need be, can wind back and forth. Who wants to stand in the rain?
2. Perhaps hiring a ninety-five-year-old security guard to run the screening is not the best choice in a situation where you want to move things along.
3. How about BIG signs that tell the chattel masses what they need to do.
4. Jokes about bombs, guns or any sort of violence will get your butt thrown in jail.
5. Chainmail is not a good clothing option here.

It seems like some people must not do this very often or have situational amnesia. Hello, big metal buckles on your shoes are going to set off the machine and perhaps the sixty dollars in change should be in your car or at home; not in your pockets. It is time to use a little common sense from both the inspectors and the inspected.

[John Anthony Hartman]