work rant

These gems were received this week
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Q.  I can’t get to the site with shopping coupons on it.
[I am told it is good practice not to tell VP's that we're here to work]
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Q. When I open this document, all I see is gibberish.
A. That’s because you can’t open a .PDF file with Microsoft Word.
Go to [...]

I strongly suspect this should be my epitaph.
I’m going barking f-ing mad here, people.  `They’ have finally gotten me.   No, not the illuminati.  Not the terrorists.  Not even Dick Cheney’s personal waterboarding team could do this kind of damage.  Of course I’m speaking of my coworkers.  Not my department; the entire company.
I know I work [...]

I should have known where things were headed when my boss caught me as I was walking to my desk.  For some reason no one can fathom, he must really like the way my colon smells, as he tends to spend way too much time up there micromanaging me.
Not even the first email truly clued [...]

McAfee
My first enterprise antivirus experience was McAfee.  We’re talking probably late 1980’s and there was nobody at the company interested in viruses so I figured I’d take a look.  I managed to clean an infection and decided we needed a corporate antivirus and policy, thus McAfee.  This was a time where the problem was primarily [...]

Ok, network people, time to stand up and be counted.  Or at very least, do some counting.
By default, my firewall at work gives me a list of the top twenty five sites visited, among other things.  Every now and then I look at this list, especially when I’m feeling a lot of good will toward [...]

Seen in email today:
Please do not use the Canon copier/printer by the entrance. Service has been called to look at the jam. Hopefully it isn’t a raisin, like last time.
Sometimes I wonder why Mensa refuses to have meetings at our location….

As I might have mentioned, we got a Google box at work.  No one is quite sure why.
Well, actually one person is sure: my boss.  She informs me that the box is to index the help files and tips the IT department has put together over the years.
By some estimates this box cost three grand.
Apparently [...]

One day my boss walks in and mentions wanting a way to organize all of our self-generated help documents.  She suggests a Google box (meaning that this was her idea all along).  Being a non-profit organization plus being an open source guy, the idea of an expensive appliance on the network rattles me a bit.  [...]

I recently got an email from someone offering spare printer cartridges because they had to get rid of their printer.  I thought it was wonderful that they would think of others in this way.  I work for a non-profit, which probably helps.
The following day I received an email with the reason for getting rid of [...]

I love meetings.  In roughly the same way the Jews loved Hitler.
They exist for no particular purpose other than to take up time and resources.  Nothing ever gets done at a meeting, with the possible exception of scheduling the next meeting.  Some meetings exist for the sole purpose of planning the next meeting.
Today’s gem of [...]