Faux News Philadelphia
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Tonight on Faux News, the full story on today’s Iggles loss. And some stuff about the President.
Yes, Bob, how about them Iggles?
Well, now that you mention it, Soozie, the Iggles played today. It was their season opener. We have wall to wall coverage. They were out before sunrise, all the citizens with Iggles hats, some grilling bacon with their car exhaust.
[video of tailgater] Yo, we rode down here to see our friends, drink some beers, grill some stuff, and drink some beers. And in just six hours, we gonna go see dem Iggles! [cheers from the other drunks]
Yes, they came, they parked (for $25 per car), and walked (or were carried) into the stadium today to watch the Iggles lose to yet another team.
[more tailgater video] Well, today we all drank Bud, in honor of the opposite team being from, um, some other state where Bud is sold [belches violently]. I don’t wanna sound all phillysoapical or nuthin’ but I think the early loss sets the tone for the rest of the year [farts violently and looks as sheepish as a 78 year old grandmother can].
Hey, wasn’t the president on TV today?
Yes, I believe he was, Soozie [heh heh]. In fact, President Obama [pause for applause] went on several new shows today to talk about how his health plan will provide care for everybody but won’t cost another cent. He started speaking just as the Iggles tailgaters were opening their morning beers.
In other news, an off-duty policeman shot a would-be robber.
Yes indeed, with only four hours to go before the Iggles game.
Breaking news just in: Jennifer Aniston said something bad about New Jersey.
She didn’t mention the Iggles, did she?
No, the throng of reporters we sent out on this very important story have all indicated that Miss Aniston did not mention the Iggles.
Then why are we even talking about this - ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha. Right you are Bob. And now we go to Stan for our sports coverage. Tell us more about the Iggles, Stan.
2 Comments
the oracle
September 20th, 2009
at 5:17pm
Is the Iggles a rock group? Was Motel Philadelphia a song they did?
Sorry I missed the fun - I was watching the President, and the disloyal, rat - bastard opposition on MTP.
They should (both sides) just simply state their wishes, and be done with it.
President: I believe, being an intelligent man, and knowing how to read, do research, and make educated guesses, that most people who are alive today would prefer to be alive, through the effects of having medical coverage, than being dead, with the prospects of a job.
Senators Graham and Boehner: We, the uneducated, leading lives of relative splendor, and being Republicans, fully in the pocket of the big insurance companies, would rather see job offers to dead people, because, after all, we believe in the free market system, and what better market than medicine, as practiced today, that can have a 5.5% increase in monetary influx, when the economy as a whole is declining by approximately 2%. Sounds like 7% to the good for us! (’cause what’s good for insurance is good for our pockets!)
leftystrat
September 20th, 2009
at 6:39pm
I didn’t see it but I feel like I was *there*.