She’s not Voluptuous - She’s Fat.

There’s a rare interesting broadcast television show called Lie to Me.  The protagonists study body language to help police by determining the veracity of the statements.  In other words, they’re human lie detectors.

There was a commercial for the next show.  I have to break my own rule about not discussing reality shows to fire off a quick rant.  It’s another one of those reality dating shows, where one guy has a bunch of women `competing’ for his hand (or vice-versa).

Only the guy is a fat fetishist and the women are fat.  The women prefer to refer to themselves as real women and voluptuous.

They’re fat.

They’re not mildly overweight.  They’re not anorexically-impaired.  They do not need to lose just a few pounds, nor are they Desperately Seeking Skinny.  They have not lost touch with the size twelve within.  They do not want to pay less for clothing that uses more fabric (because the less fabric used, the more expensive the garment is).  They have no allergy to Jenny Craig.  No one prefers shopping at Lane Bryant.

They’re fat.

Before you get your thong, bikini, cotton jobbies, or granny panties in a wad, understand that I am not speaking pejoratively.  I don’t care if you’re anorexic or morbidly obese: it makes no difference to me.  I just want to call a spade a spade.  All I hear is that women get horrible messages about body image from fashion magazines.  Women who watch this show will get yet another horrible body image message.

Yes, Virginia, there is a difference between overweight and fat.

I’m a guitar player: I don’t have the medical knowledge to specifically determine the exact line between overweight and fat; but like porn, I know it when I see it.

My wife saw this commercial and was incredulous.  She is overweight - she said so.  She is not obese.  I’ll say she has the expert opinion because it’s her body and because she’s a nurse.  I’ll also agree with her because she’s as big as I am and has a wicked right.

Again, I don’t care what your particular favorite is: just call it what it is.

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In researching this, I learned all sorts of things, which I will now share with you (whether you want to know or not).

Can you imagine a tv show called Chubby Chaser and the Big Beautiful Women?  Did you know there’s an entire subculture (chubby culture) around admiration of large women?  The man is a Fat Admirer.  If the woman likes large men, she’s a Female Fat Admirer.  Of course this works the same way in homosexual relationships.

A related fetish is feederism, where one partner (the feeder) feeds the other (the feedee).  Feedee deedee dee, fee fy fo fum.

Wait - it gets better.  There is a National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance.  I suppose it was inevitable after the pro-anorexia pages started popping up.  It would seem that both are wildly maladjusted but what do I know?  My favorite guitar has the most hideous finish ever produced, called antigua.  I refer to it as pukeburst and insist it’s perfectly normal.  I guess I’m a pukeburst chaser then.  I have to own up to it.  Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, right?

Gee, I guess it’s ok to say fat then, right?

Incidentally, no greater a source than the Urban Dictionary has a few synonyms for us: truffle hunter, fattractive, slump buster, plumper humper, muffin top, fat bagger, and several others which are just plain nasty, which is not my intent.

To be honest, I tend to lean the other way: I like `em skinny and petite.  I joke that I like to feel the cartilage crunch.

As if I could possibly let you off with just this, let me introduce you to the Word for Today: Vorarephilia.  It is a sexual fetish where arousal occurs from the idea of being eaten.  Apparently not in a good way.

Maybe the Unabomber had something after all….