leftystrat for President in 2012

Ok, let’s face it: we’re in a rapidly descending handbasket, headed southward.  I’m not what you’d call presidential material but the time has come to KICK THEM ALL OUT.  I am willing to do my patriotic duty so here’s part of my platform (ignore the noise.. it’s me, sawing away at it from below):

• campaign slogan: “leftystrat - he couldn’t be any worse”
• Congress will have to choose between two HMOs, thus ending the healthcare crisis
• if Congress declares war, their children will be the first ones in
• if a president declares war, HE will be the first one in.
• cut government by at least 80%, thus bailing out the taxpayers
• death penalty for DUIs, child molesters, and people who don’t use their turn signals
• abolish the office of congressional chaplain and faith-based anything
• repeal the Patriot Act and try its authors for treason
• the NSA’s new mandate: Monitor THIS!
• all legislation to be in plain language and on one topic only
• English: it’s America’s language
• the penalty for cell phone accidents will involve the cell phone, a sledgehammer, and some good old-fashioned creativity
• the Federal Reserve is neither federal nor a reserve: discuss
• true equality for the left-handed
• seal our borders: we can discuss what else we might want to do with them
• stay the hell out of the world’s business and wars
• all government computer systems go open source - No More Windows
• the world’s first Presidential Stratocaster!

In addition, I plan to perform two acts to ensure the continuity of government:

1. have a highly qualified vice president
2. have a prepaid funeral plot because I’m not going to live more than 30 days