Repo Show: Gotta Go

I’m banging away on the keyboard and I hear the wife howling with laughter and pointing at the screen.  This is no small feat, as I have the full ear headphones on, in a vain attempt to block out the noise.

Mrs. leftystrat is watching some show about a company that does auto repossession.  I beg her to turn it off but she is in fits of hysterics, pretending she can’t hear me.

This is obviously not the first time this episode has taken place.  I try to get out before it eats up every last brain cell remaining in the dark recesses of my noggin.  It’s like Americans Idle with really ugly people.

Ok, that’s not fair.  There’s only one really ugly person.  It is vaguely female but I’m not entirely certain which features of it are actually indicating this to me.

This is, of course, a reality show.  Of course it’s a reality show; that’s the only kind of show allowed on tv these days.  ($*#ing sheep.  Not an original idea in the bunch.   The show follows individual repossessions and the antics of the lovable (and only partially ugly) crew.  I am told some of them are related but I won’t speculate any further.

One of the workers reminds me of Jesse Ventura: big and bald with an awful lot of moustache.  His primary functions are being large and yelling a lot.  His main trick is this really bizarre passive-aggressive bit he does where he stands there, yelling `Calm DOWN’,  and keeps moving further into the action until somebody gets violent.

But the real (un)natural wonder if the female-like thing who seems to be one of the main characters.  She has to be on the very far side of three hundred and fifty pounds.  Hey, some people are larger, ok?  But this lady is not content being merely large… she has to play up the ugly.. Perhaps celebrating the ugly would be a better term.

But the fun doesn’t end there.   She has rather a lot of seriously bleached blonde hair that is arranged in no particular fashion (but seems to keep everybody looking for where she keeps the bone).  Oddly enough, there is no bone through her nose, making it about the only place she doesn’t have piercings.

In fact, she has so many hideous pieces of metal stuck into her face, she would be a walking nightmare at the airport.  This is not a woman who flies a lot.  In fact, this is not a woman who can drive by the airport without alerting the entire Department of Homeland Security in a three state area.

What really worries me about this is not that the woman is ugly.  It’s not even that the woman is voluntarily ugly.  It’s the influence she wields as a (15 minute) tv star.  You might not believe me but I was at the mall over the weekend and saw some lady who looked like she might be getting ready to audition for the Repo Show, perhaps in a hundred pounds or two.  Don’t get me wrong: she was still fat, but not the kind of fat that would land her a tv show.  The really unnerving part of this was that she was bleach blonde, with a few piercings, organically ugly, but wearing a short shirt that allowed the majority of her super size gut to hang out in the breeze, on full display for all of the passers-by.

It is my understanding that there was a very quiet county-wide emergency, in which no one was able to eat or even think of food for several hours afterward.