Interview with a Multiple

Information is good.  Part of the mission of this blog is to get information out there.  Today’s bit of information has to do with dissociative identity disorder, more commonly known as multiple personality disorder.  In short, it’s fragmentation of the personality in childhood caused by severe, repeated trauma (generally sexual).  The disorder is wildly underestimated in terms of number and effects.

My wife has DID/MPD.  We both decided we wanted to share our experiences in hopes of helping others.

Most of the conversation is taking place with Mees, a fourteen (and a half) year old young lady, who has age-progressed from six.  Alters can stay the same age or change.  Mees is very well-connected internally and what is known as an Inner Self Helper (ISH).  She can function as a communicator, she can smooth things over, she can be a troublemaker: it depends.

My wife gave Mees permission to be out and do these things.  In addition to being the ISH, Mees holds a lot of the confidence and positivity that Karen feels she lacks.  Psych professionals would say that Mees is a dissociated (split off) piece of Karen who is aware of most of what goes on inside but retains most of her childlike innocence.

I should also explain that multiples have a rich inner life, to be polite.  They see themselves differently internally and in the mirror.  Mees has long, curly brown hair and my wife has long blonde hair. Mees is at an age where she isn’t aware of modesty and makes statements like “She’s cute but I’m beautiful.  I can’t help it.  That’s just the way it is.”

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What does it sound like inside your head?

It sounds like a playground.  You hear chattering and then one voice will speak up above the other and it starts conversations.  Then you figure out what people want or need.

So it’s always going on?

Yes, you just get used to it.  There’s always chattering going on and sometimes it gets out of hand and you have to say ONE AT A TIME and figure things out that way.  It’s the way it has always been.

This is the way our system works.  Not everyone is like us - we work together.  I feel sorry for the folks who don’t.

Some multiples become integrated.  That’s where everyone goes away [becomes one].  I know about it and if I have to go for everyone’s sake, I’m not happy about it but I’ll go.

How do you make decisions?

Everybody got a voice.  If there’s a problem you put it out there so everybody knows what’s going on so they can make a choice.  You want to encourage them to keep talking.

What about more adult decisions?

They’re not allowed to get up and just do things.  They have to ask Mees or Karen.  It’s a learning process, just like everybody else… we just do it a little bit differently.  You do something and make a mistake and learn from it.  Hopefully you don’t make the same mistake again.

What are some things that have helped the most with healing?

The first therapist.  She listened and didn’t judge.  Anyone could come out and have a say.  It was always a safe place.  She let us slide here and there but reigned us in when necessary.  Nothing was wrong or bad.

Karen was pissed because she lived through it once - why should she have to go through it again with the flashbacks?

If you don’t heal and deal, you will get stuck.  Drama Mamas are invested in being sick.  Their lives would be so much easier if they tried to get better.  [referring to other multiples she has met]

What’s the toughest part of getting through the day?

Pain (sciatica, back, fibromyalgia) and being overwhelmed and afraid that we’re not going to get things done right or at all, every day.  But we just keep going.

How do you decide who’s `out’?

We don’t really decide… if someone has something to say or a problem, they’re out.  Karen’s the boss though.. if she says so, I stand behind her.  I may not like it, but that’s the rules.

What other kinds of rules are there?

Kids can’t drive.  Only Karen for `adult time’ - that’s a big rule.  If there are problems you gotta talk about it.  We’re not supposed to criticize other people and get in fights.

What’s a drive-by?

When somebody has a problem or issue they come out without saying who they are and go back in.

Most have people who are more job-oriented. Sometimes we give them new jobs.

There are bags of craft stuff and toys everywhere.  People went through enough and are happy just to be here.  Everyone shares and gets along.   Earlier when we didn’t know, there were people who had different clothes and stuff.

Did you find yourself in weird places earlier on where you didn’t know how you got there?

Yeah, everybody does.

What do you think about the United States of Tara?

I love um!  She’s one of my favorite actresses.  I think she does a great job.  She laughs at herself.  You gotta laugh at yourself.  She’s lovely.  Her husband is just like you - he’s a saint.

Did you ever read or see Sybil?

Karen’s brother used to call her Sybil years ago.. it was his nickname for her.  I thought she played Sybil wonderfully.  Very believable.  It was heartbreaking to see what they went through.

They were very separate.  People were always out doing stuff and we lost time.  People were always coming up to us and talking about what a great time they all had and we had no idea what they were talking about. We got good at shaking our heads and agreeing with them.

We thought this stuff was normal cause it was normal for us.  I used to be a peeker and Mary did this but I felt more and more confident so Mary handed the reigns over to me.  I was honored; that doesn’t happen all the time.

Any messages for other multiples?

Hang in there…  honestly…  just realizing that you’re multiple is the beginning of a journey.  It’s not going to be easy but it’s very worth it.  You have to put a lot of work in.  It’s very worth it - you have your life back.

Always try to find people who will help you.  There are people who will take advantage of you but go with your gut - you know inside.  There are a lot of sh*tty therapists out there.. it’s a shame.

Are you available for a guest spot on Tara?

Oh yes I am!  Any time, any day.  We could rock it - we really could.  You know me - I just that.  It would be wonderful - it really would.  I would love it.

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That’s it for today.  Feel free to ask questions or leave comments.

If you would like more information, check some of the links on the right under DID.