Obama and the Pirates

At a recent press conference, a question came up about Obama’s response to the Somali pirate activity.  The president said that he has a government and is allowing it to deal with the situation.  So I asked myself how would others deal with this…

OBAMA

I agree with allowing his people to deal with it.  I would like to do my patriotic duty and suggest a way to accomplish this.  Since the military is already in the area and on top of it, we can handle this by letting the government take care of it.  Hillary Clinton can fly out to the ships in the area and conduct negotiations there.

If things start to go downhill, we can negotiate a trade.  They will swap the marine officer for Hillary Clinton.  Then, in a show of military might, we can demonstrate our prowess by blowing the pirate dinghy out of the water, into tiny little molecules.

Not only will we have rescued a hostage, Hillary will have gotten a burial at sea with full military honors.  See - I solved the problem and tied up all the loose ends.

Besides, left to his own devices, Obama would only end up bailing the pirates out.

BUSH

The ex-President Stupid (he’ll always be President Stupid to me) would have immediately declared the Somalis terrorists and declared a war on Somalia.

Unfortunately for George, no one explained to him about the billions we have already spent in that rat-infested hole called Somalia, not to mention the lives of loyal Americans that were lost defending the place from communism, pirates, terrorists, poppies, or the Boogeyman of the Week<tm>.

CONGRESS

Congress would do what they normally do: nothing.  But while doing nothing, there would be a heated debate between Nancy Pelosi and most of the known universe.  Eventually they’d just rubber stamp whatever the president wants.

RON PAUL

What Would Ron Do?

Nothing.   We don’t belong there in the first place.

COUNCIL ON FOREIGN RELATIONS

Who do you think set this up in the first place and is probably selling arms to both sides?

RUSSIA

C’mon - nobody screws with the Russians.

RUSH LIMBAUGH

“This is the fault of the liberals and Obama.  You know I’m right.”

AL FRANKEN

“Rush Limbaugh is a big fat idiot.”

MICHAEL SAVAGE

“If we only had all republicans in Congress….”

GORDON BROWN

“I agree with whatever Bush… errrr… Obama says.”

VICENTE FOX

“It’s the fault of the Americans.”

SAUDI ARABIA

“We gave them the boat.  What more do they want?”

IRAQ

“This is the fault of the American Imperialist occupiers and Israel.  We would simply bomb their houses while they’re away.”

JOHN MCCAIN

“I remain committed to a peaceful solution to this crisis.”

“I would put them all in cages.”

leftystrat

I have a number of thoughts on how to solve the problem:

1. The Middle East Solution: one small nuclear device and no one will argue about anything anymore.  Use the one that doesn’t hurt the nice buildings.
2. Park the destroyers around the Pirate Dinghy and have the Seals blow the heads off the pirates on at a time until they remember they have something they need to return.
3. Multinational Escort Service (the legal kind)
4. Encourage Somali responsibility: Multinational navies with missiles pointed at Somalia.  Every time a pirate takes a hostage, part of Somalia will turn up even more flat than it is now.
5. Beam them the Oprah Winfrey show.  That should stop most activity.
6. send in the Mossad.  End of discussion.