Clean the Crap Outta That Computer, Boy!

Part of what I do during the day involves computers.  It suddenly occurred to me to share some knowledge.  Boy, sometimes I feel so smrrrt.

I won’t repeat how to keep your computer clean - if you’re interested, check out leftystrat’s Guide to Safe Computing in the black menu bar above.  It’s a decent guide but I’m a bit biased.

Having said that, how do I clean and tune my computer?

Glad you asked.   Let’s assume that you’re using Windows (a pretty safe bet).  For many reasons, Windows builds up crap simply from using it.  It might be because the machine spontaneously shuts down now and then.  It might be ill-behaved uninstallers.  Hopefully it isn’t a virus (make sure your scanner has the latest updates and you’ve done a complete scan first).

A good place to start is Starting.

Windows has Bill Knows How Many services to start up before you can actually do anything on it so the more you can remove, the faster it will start (and sometimes crash).  There are two utilities I can recommend for this: Hijack This and MSCONFIG.

MSCONFIG comes with Windows and isn’t anywhere near as powerful as Hijack This but will get the job done.  I’m pretty sure it came with most versions except Windows 2000.  You can bring it up by going to START, RUN, and typing msconfig.

The final tab is the one you’re interested in.  This is the one that will tell you what optional programs are starting with Windows.  This is where you start to get rid of the junk.  Most of what you’ll see listed is fairly self-explanatory.  If there’s something you don’t understand, search on the file name: you’ll find an answer quickly.  Uncheck what you don’t want to start.  The next time you reboot, those programs won’t start and it will remind you that you set it that way.

Hijack This is another great free utility that’s a must for any computer toolkit, right next to the single phillips-head screwdriver.   It is a very powerful piece of software that can potentially trash your operating system if you make the wrong choices.  Fortunately it’s not that difficult.  There are user forums online for Hijack This where people are happy to help you if you have a question.  The earlier versions will tell you what’s starting.  The latest version goes much deeper (and can do even more damage).

WHAT DO I GET RID OF IN STARTUP?

Everything :)

You get rid of things that don’t need to start with Windows.  Many programs put programs in the startup group.  It can preload parts of the program or fully load other parts, then it will place yet another annoying icon in your taskbar.  You simply don’t need all that crap.

Adobe software annoys the hell out of me.  It’s bloated and getting fatter, it’s horribly privacy-invasive, and it always wants to start things that don’t need to be started.  You’re generally ok removing Adobe startup items.  In fact, I prefer to remove Adobe software in general.

More offenders are Real Player and Quicktime.  You’ll notice they always put an icon in the tray.  Not necessary for Windows to function.  It only slows things down at startup.

Many software updaters (Adobe, java, etc.) like to run at startup.  Not needed.  You won’t impair any functionality by removing this crap.

Microsoft Office is another pig that wants to pre-install itself.  Fuggeddaboutit.

Your hardware vendor probably put a lot of crap on your pc you don’t need.  Sometimes it’s multimedia players, sometimes updates.  Check to see what it is then delete it if you don’t need it.

SERVICES:

Time and access prevent me from doing a complete listing, but several Windows services absolutely do not need to be started with Windows.  Some don’t need to be running at all.  Things like portable media serial number, firewall (use a real firewall - the one that comes with Windows is useless), wireless config (if you’re running a wired pc), uPnP (if you’re not using it) and other fairly obvious things.  If in doubt, research.

You can set services to start at boot, start when requested, or disable them entirely.  I get a strange kick out of disabling Windows services.

SLUDGE:

As I mentioned, Windows builds up sludge simply by using it.  My favorite tool is a free one called CCleaner.  It’s called CCleaner because it used to be called Crap Cleaner (I’m not kidding).  Download it, install it, set it to look for updates at startup, and run it every week or so.  Unless you absolutely can’t live without it, uncheck the install option for Yahoo toolbar.

It will go through the computer and find all sorts of junk to remove.  It gives you the option of removing it or not, plus it does backups so it’s very difficult to hurt something.  Don’t forget to check every box in the configs to remove everything, including passwords and cookies.  DO NOT STORE PASSWORDS IN YOUR BROWSERS, no matter how convenient it seems.  Whoever uses your computer has access to your passwords and services.  This includes housemates and hackers too.  Inside and outside.

In my opinion, there’s no reason to keep cookies either.  In fact, there’s no reason to use cookies, but most people (and all web `designers’) disagree with me on that point.   CCleaner will get rid of all the junk and give you a total of how much it cleaned.  It also has a registry cleaner.

Another handy free favorite is Spybot Search and Destroy.  It’s updated all the time and will root out all sorts of hidden spyware.  More importantly it comes with a feature called Tea Timer (disabled by default).  Tea Timer is like a chatty firewall: it tells you when a program tries to access the registry or internet and you make the decision whether to allow it or not.  Some people are annoyed by the chattiness - I love it.  You should run this weekly.

Hard drive defragmenting will speed things up measureably.  There is even a defragger for the registry (Auslogics makes free utils for both).  If you have to, use the built-in Windows defrag but there are many free utilities that are better.

SELF-GENERATED CRAP:

You might not know this but you can unwittingly slow down your computer.  The easiest way is to put a really large, high resolution picture up as your wallpaper.  Then load the desktop with icons and programs and files.   All of this stuff takes system resources to keep it there so this slows down the computer.  Plus Windows searches for things in certain directories, which if you’ve filled up (desktop), will take the system longer to go through.

The lightest weight solution is to use a single solid color background or a small picture, centered, plus just a few important icons.

UNINSTALLERS:

Programs you install come with uninstallers.  Usually they are fairly worthless in terms of removing everything when you uninstall a program.  Down the free Revo Uninstaller.  It starts the program’s uninstaller then does a few of its own tricks, cleaning up after the program’s anemic uninstaller.  You’d be shocked what some programs leave behind.  Some of it can affect the computer’s operation.  Symantec is notorious for this.  Sometimes you have to go into the registry to uninstall Norton Antirus.  I recommend another antivirus.  Almost ANY other antivirus.

By the time you’re done with these utilities and routines, you will definitely notice the improvement in speed.

You can also gain speed and resources by not using 32bit color in your display and turning down the eye candy inherent in all versions of Windows.

DON’T FORGET TO BACK THINGS UP ROUTINELY.  Windows Restore is just about useless so I turn it off.

If you have any questions, ask!