Doctor, Heal Thy Gays

BBC: Many therapists treat their gay patients in spite of there being no proof that the treatment works.

Wow.

The lead author of the study said that therapists were largely acting with the best of intentions, which takes some of the sting out of the concept, I hope.  He goes on to say, “We know now that efforts to change people’s sexual orientation result in very little change and can cause immense harm.”

Back here in the US, the American Psychiatric Association has urged all practitioners to refrain from trying to change sexual orientation.

Some people are objecting to having their sexual orientation pathologized (and rightly so).  I don’t believe it to be a disease or a choice; it just is.

Here’s an interesting stat: Only 4% of survey respondents said they would try to change their client’s sexual orientation, but when asked to help curb homosexual feelings, 17% already had.

This could tell us that the therapists are anti-homosexual or that they’re trying to ease a symptom that the client does not want.  Or a bit of both, I suppose.

By launching a website, researchers hope to uncover stories from India, South America and China where little is known about the prevalence of such practices.

Maybe little is known because there are no Indian, South American, or Chinese gays….

[note to the humor-impaired: the above was a literary device which you can call a joke.  If you're already riled up, you don't want to read the next section.  I warned you.]

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Ok, having dispensed with the serious observations and clinical matters, it’s time to have a little fun with the topic.  No offense meant to homo and hetero alike.

Let’s suspend disbelief for a moment and classify homosexuality as a disorder.  While we’re suspending, we will pretend there’s a cure for homosexuality too.

First of all, imagine how you’d feel if someone declared something you have done naturally all your life as a disorder.  I’m quite obviously left-handed but if someone or several someones declared left-handedness an aberration, reactions would range from mild upset to having something to say on the matter (guess which mine would be….).

Uh-oh, I should have put that up in the Serious Side.  I promise I won’t do it again.

Suppose you were a man being treated for being gay but you had to leave that therapist before treatment was through.  Would you:

• stop whistling at men but be unable to stop doing hair
• stop whistling at men but start whistling at women
• whistle at everyone because you’re only half cured
• pick up a bible and point it at all the uncured gays
• continue to nail anything that will lay still for a few moments

Let’s say you were a gay woman undergoing treatment but your therapist had to take emergency leave.  Would you:

• walk around naked because you’re in that awkward stage between flannel and dresses
• make a play date with your gay guy friends to learn how to apply makeup
• have a grand mal seizure and turn into June Cleaver
• pick up a bible and point it at all the uncured gays
• promise to only wear your Birkenstocks on weekends

And in any treatment, one needs to know what relapse would look like.  Things aren’t going as planned if:

• you’re riding the Harley on weekends (male or female)
• you’re riding Harley on weekends (male)
• you’re not enjoying penetration (female)
• …unless you’re doing the penetrating (female or sometimes male)
• you swap the Rottie for a poodle (male)
• you get a Yorkie (male)
• you do Yorkie’s nails (anybody)