Yes, you heard that right - the Place to Get Your Porn Stolen will soon be a Bitchin Place to Get a Guitar.

Stomachs (and eardrums) are already rattling.

Can you imagine the effect of some tone-deaf thirteen year old playing whatever today’s Stairway to Heaven is at airplane decibel levels will have on the poor sucker who is thinking about paying $19.95 for a copy of Ubuntu linux?

Or a phalanx of eight year olds who now think they’re musicians because they have played Rock Band, banging away on the drums while one of the salesdroids is trying (in vain) to demo a big screen tv system.

It will be so noisy that the employees won’t be able to hear themselves ripping the customers off.  New hires will only have to prove their ability to say `HUH?’

Geek Squad has a real challenge ahead of them.  Since there’s no porn to steal, they’re going to have to figure out how to steal people’s riffs.  They could try stealing girlfriends but BB employees don’t have girlfriends (nor do musicians).

Hey man…. can I jack this here StratoBlaster through the Big Screen?  Maybe they’ll sell adapters to turn your actual guitar into a Rock Band controller.  I think that’s losing IQ points but I’m not positive.

On the bright side, returning a guitar could be a really satisfying experience if they refuse to let you.  You just pull an El Kabong or Pete Townshend on their heads.  Now that’s a retail experience I can totally get behind.   I’d buy twelve guitars, just so I could return them.

And last but not least, they have already announced that they will not be selling anything left-handed - just out of spite.