So after yesterday’s 85 degree debacle, I figured (hoped?) that today would be a bit more peaceful. Yeah, right.

I started by trying to help the SanMan hook things up (see elsewhere). Instead I got hijacked to help find out why a major piece of software wouldn’t work. Mind you, I don’t use the software, I didn’t install it, I don’t know how it works or what it does, but apparently it’s my problem. And to think, I was so confounded happy when they purchased it because they dedicated an entire team to the installation, configuration, and running of the software that didn’t include any of my team.

I am an idiot.

That aside, one really must wonder how a software company stays in business selling half a million to one and a half million dollar enterprise software and not installing it correctly, supporting it, or seeing that it runs right, even for five minutes at a time.

Seriously…. for sake of argument we paid half a mil for this software. My boss had just slammed down the phone after waiting twenty minutes in the queue to put in an emergency service request. He wasn’t waiting for a tech - he just wanted to advise them the software wasn’t working. My theory is that he could’ve waited all day.. I’m quite sure the company already knows the software doesn’t work. Why the #&$@ do you think they aren’t answering the phone?

So I ask the boss how this company stays in business. He tells me they have sold tons of software and have a great reputation. At this point I’m wondering how, as it’s obvious that not only doesn’t the software work, but we can’t get anybody on the phone to help us make it work.

My boss is a bit of an optimist. He likes to think he balances me out nicely but I don’t think there is enough optimism in the world to balance me out. I’m not a pessimist- I’m a realist. It’s not my fault that they look a lot alike most of the time.

This software started out merely ridiculously expensive. It gained steam by requiring four insanely overspec’d servers for a minimal config. It accelerated rapidly downhill by having the pre-install late by over two months. It headed for the brick wall by stretching out a one week install to three months. Only when we stopped checks did they begin to devote a bit more attention to actually getting the software installed and functional.

They Webexed. They phoned. They flew in a phalanx of consultants from different offices, consultancies, and countries. And it still doesn’t work correctly (or sometimes at all). I heard a rumor that it printed out a twenty five thousand dollar paycheck for one employee. And a larger one the following week for a different employee. Uhhhh… non-profits don’t pay that well, folks. When someone has a salary adjustment, it terminates their benefits and forgets to tell anyone. Good software. Fortune 100 software. Need I say more?

Today’s deadly deafening debacle involved servers not starting parts of the infinitely complex web of support apps that have to be running before the Grand Software Itself deigns to start. It is rumored that the main consultant has a script to start everything up on his personal system in a certain order so it will (hopefully) work.

Today it wasn’t working. Everyone was poring over the server logs trying to figure out what could possibly be stopping things from starting. Services were stalled at STARTING and refused to budge from there. When all else fails, reboot server #4, which we did four times, with absolutely no success or deviation from the norm (the norm being the system not working). I’m quite certain we had some people from janitorial going over the logs too. Unfortunately they were as stumped as we were. It’s a shame - I thought they’d be good for a quick fix….

After switching nics, it came halfway up, gave our main guy the digital finger, then refused to do much else. He said nothing, even after hacking off what appeared to be several of his more valuable digits, and went off to check something from his desk.

Meanwhile I thought to inquire as to the reason it was 85 in the server room last night. The answer was an emphatic `I don’t know’ from everyone I asked. Allegedly the a/c people were in first thing this morning to check it. Unfortunately this info was on a need-to-know-basis and I had no need-to-know. Mind you, when I left it was only 80 in there.

I saw my desk for the first time several hours later, on the way to make sure our software guy wasn’t doing irreparable harm to himself. It’s not that I’m a concerned person, it’s just that it’s so hard to find good software guys…. No worries though… he had only shaved half his head and dyed the other half green. It’s actually a great improvement over what he did last time, but I’m legally prohibited from telling that story again.

I got home in time to spend some quality time with my wife and my wife only. She drove a spear into this plan immediately by being too tired from a long day’s nagging.

So here I am, laptop on my lap, updating the virtualization and regular sections of my blog for your entertainment. And don’t think for a fucking minute that this laptop’s cursor hasn’t been hopping all over the screen like some encephalitic fly on acid and I haven’t been screaming like a banshee. Why just now an entire paragraph became highlighted and deleted itself while I typed. The dog is hiding upstairs with his mommy and even Satan the cat knows better than to come over and trip me down the stairs now. Shooting me would only make me mad at this point.