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The special MIS alarm bells started going off. We put on our fireproof suits, checked the monitors, armed the sniffers, and got out diagnosis hats on. The network had slowed to a crawl.

Clipboard.

check

Ergo keyboard.

check

Phillips screwdriver.

check

With everything in place, we checked the logs and determined that one computer was sucking up humongous amounts of data. A quick check of that computer turned up lots of Beyonce streaming downloads.

Phew.

With Beyonce safely terminated, we set about authoring a `love note’ to this particular problem child. We explained that they signed a policy that stated NO STREAMING. We further let on that this sucked up bandwidth for people who were actually working and that further violations would be discussed with the supervisor.

Totally chastened (a day later after finally reading the email), this person decided to do some Myspace instant messaging instead. Oddly enough, this is also prohibited in the signed policy.

We don’t hire `em for looks.
We don’t hire `em for brains.
Not sure what we hire `em for…