Today’s news, from my local NBC affiliate…

Man Falls Six Stories In Temple University Construction Accident

Obviously a Temple graduate.

A Pakistan government official says that Al-Qaida and the Taliban are
responsible for the assassination of Benazir Bhutto.

Fellas.. fellas.. there’s plenty of blame to go around. Let’s just say the Taliban shot her and Al-Qaida blew her up, ok?

N.J. Bans Some Sex Offenders From Using Internet

but only the bad ones.

Local Astronaut Still Stuck In Space

I-95 still under construction…

Fishing Supplies Could End Atlantic City Bird Problem

depth charges?

Mayfair Residents Fed Up With Holiday Vandals

“Our regular vandals are so much nicer.”

Local Pakistan Natives React To Bhutto’s Assassination

“Musharraf took a page out of the Bush Playbook and blamed Al-Qaida. Good one.”

Teen Killed By Tiger Was Helping Friend

“I was just minding my own business, helping my friend with his tiger and…”

‘Dirty Doctor’ Gets 10½ Years In Prison

will be very popular, judging by his nickname