pig english?

I was minding my own business, checking out some software listings, when I came across these descriptions… I haven’t changed a word:

This application will add some originality to your computer and will always display the exact time!

[much unlike any other clock app you'd install...]

Allows users to type into Word, using their own words, what they would like.

[in their own words?]

This software was designed to ensure that you will always be the first to hear the news.

[it's like MAGIC!!]

Allows you to create strong passwords that meet your specifications.

[thereby allowing you to avoid passwords you create that don't meet your specifications]

Determine Whether You Need To Lose Weight Fast

[..can you see your shoes?]

It can adorn and pretend the folder on your PC.

[it adorns... it pretends!!!]

This tool was created to ensure that you will able to travel safely and that you will find correct routes.

[I already have a mom, thank you.]

Delete files that are difficult to delete, files that resist deletion

[do they have to be difficult to delete AND resist deletion?]

A tool for testing CPU performance from the point of view of a video surveillance system.

[why not from the point of view of a sanitation engineer? you gotta problem wit trash men?]

This software is the ideal tool to use when you want to record the hours you spend on every task you have.

[sounds like it will ADD hours to every task I have....]

You will surely enjoy having a tool that displays the exact time right on your desktop!

[I had to sign a paper about not putting my tool on the desktop....]

Implements a moving version of the famous Prim Algorithm

[Finally - the PRIM Algorithm!! My life is complete.]

an easy-to-use interface that even the beginners will seem experts!

[even the beginners?]

A software that will enable you to call your friends anytime, no matter how far they live!

[whether or not they want to hear from you...]

An application that speeds up and simplifies research in molecular biology and biochemistry.

[and what a shock it will be to your colleagues at McDonalds..]

This simple application is so simple that it only requires you to load the file and it does the rest!

[and it's simple!]

You will surely want to start playing this successful game once you will watch all the images!

[I will?]