Once again, news headlines from my local NBC affiliate.

Shot Woman Found Inside Burning Home

[she was having a really bad day]

Borgata Construction Worker Hurt During Slip Into Void

[THE void?]

Mayor Street To Receive $500,000 Lump Payment

[wins `Biggest Lump' award]

Reverend Accused Of Stealing Nearly $1M From School,

[only donates $500,000 to Mayor Street.]

Family: Missing Music Teacher Found

[presumably no longer missing...]

Audit: City Paramedics Take Too Long

[only permitted one `breath of life' per patient]

City Lawyer Accused Of Sexual Assaults To Be Sentenced

[now running Sexual Assault Training for city]

80-MPH Driver Convicted Of Killing Pedestrian

[if you don't like the way I drive...stay off the sidewalk]

No Insurance? Cancer Death More Likely

[insurance industry investing in casket futures]