If you are Dying do you Want to Know It?
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I came across an astonishing Cnn article a little while ago. It has taken me more than an hour to even attempt to begin to collect my thoughts about this. The article talks about a new study that shows that many people do not get straight talk from doctors, who often think they are doing patients a favor by keeping hope alive. Only about 1/3 of terminally ill cancer patients said that their doctors had discussed end-of-life options.
I find this abhorrent. Cancer has been a huge part of my life. My brother fought the good fight for almost six years before he succumbed to the damn disease. I personally dealt with kidney cancer a few years ago. My Grandma died after a nasty bout with cancer. My favorite Uncle, who is only six years older than me, just recently received a “Nothing found” proclamation after having radiation AND chemo for his cancer.
Cancer is everywhere. Cancer affects us all in some way. Cancer kills. Cut, print, period. It KILLS.
Of course we are supposed to hold out hope. Right up until about two weeks before he died, my big brother held on to a shred of hope. His doctor finally told us that there was literally nothing they could do any longer, other than provide him comfort medications. His cancer had spread by that time through his bones, his blood, his organs and up into his brain. His body was infested with it. The doctor was amazing. He sat with us in my brother’s house, no less, and laid it out. He candidly discussed what we could expect, what medications we could use, and helped us decide to keep him at home until the end… with the help of the amazing people at Hospice.
Does that seem cold to you? I know it will to many reading this. However, it wasn’t. We all understood where things were at. My brother was finally at peace with his disease, and what he was facing. We spent those last two weeks laughing together, crying together and just BEING together. We didn’t spend them running around, begging for just one more chance. We didn’t spend them denying what was inevitable. We didn’t spend them on the phone or in the car, looking for a different treatment option. We spent them where it mattered most: my brother’s side.
The study that was done and reported on by CNN shows that people who are given the straight truth from their doctors are not more prone to depression, as has been thought for years. In fact, they were much less likely to spend their last days in hospitals, hooked up to machines. They were able to remain in their own homes, with their friends and loved ones around them.
I don’t know about you, but should I ever be facing my own death, I sure as hell want my doctor to tell me so. I don’t want him to keep pussyfooting around, holding out hope if there honestly isn’t any left. I want to be able to have him look me in the eye and tell me what my end-of-life options are.
I pray that when my time comes, I can and will go as peacefully as my brother did, surrounded by those who I love, and who love me in return.
6 Comments
Robert
June 16th, 2008
at 7:38am
Yes
Mike
June 16th, 2008
at 11:42am
My only problem with the so called “expert” prognostications by doctors is that many times they are guessing and have no more idea than you or I.
How many times have doctors given specific, hardline numbers like “I give him 3 months to live” and years later the person is still alive & kicking.
Unless they have definitive proof that end of life is truly near I think doctors should provide the objective information we patients need and we can decide (hopefully with our families) what the next course of action is for us.
Telling someone they are about to die changes everything and the way they live–some for the better and others not so much. Why put the burden on doctor or patients in trying to provide some diagnosis of death that, for all intents and purposes, is useless unless there is absolutely certainty–which is rarely the case.
Personally, I don’t want to know when I will die, I want to know how I can stop it or delay it as long as possible or at least to the point that I am NOT a burden to my family or cause undue stress in their lives.
Peace!
Jose
June 18th, 2008
at 7:20am
I understand what everyone is saying. But, speaking for me, I don´t want anyone to tell me what they think about when they think that I am going to die. In the first place, and as Mike already mentioned, because in most instances, nobody knows, including doctors. And I know that from personal experience, from what I was told 20 years ago now… We can all die tomorrow, and we all know that, but I personally don´t need or want anybody to remind me of that. I am always ready, but I am always full of hope, even when it is unreasonable.
Adrian
June 18th, 2008
at 11:33am
I believe we all start dying at the moment of birth and that life is a school, a learning and growth process from which we graduate at the cessation of life.
Bob
June 20th, 2008
at 9:04pm
To me, the most important aspect of dying is that one can do so with minimal pain if the physicians or hospice are doing their job properly. Even if large amounts of opiate analgesics are necessary to alleviate the suffering and could result in advancing the time of death, no one should be allowed to suffer intractable pain which is common with many cancers.
Pain medications can also result in the reduced ability to communicate with others but this is still better than having the patient suffer or forcing others around him observe and relate to his or her suffering. If we can’t die suddenly, at least we should be able to pass away in relative physical comfort which, with today’s medicines and technology, is entirely possible in all but the worst cases.
James
October 1st, 2008
at 11:30pm
My Father went through suffering and extreme pain for a year, pain that was suffered by him and his family. We were eventually told that the Chemo and radiation treatments for his lung and brain tumors were not working. His doctor finally gave him the kiss of death. We then got Hospice involved and he passed away peacefully, next to us, in OUR house and pain free. We knew it was time. HE knew that. WE knew that. This is a touchy situation, but humans always have to be humans. There is a time where you need to let go and let death do its thing. This happened in 1985. I know that medical technology has changed, but I am so happy not to see my Dad dying before me in a sterile environment such as a hospital, nursing home or in pain. He died in his bedroom holding my hand.