Update on my Kiddo and Crohn’s Disease

We saw our regular doctor today. He’s such a great guy. He’s been seeing Beka since she was about three years old, and loves her to death. That’s the reason we’re still with him. He actually cares about her, and takes time to see what she’s up to in school and such.

We see a specialist at Carle Clinic on December 27th. This guy did his residency at the Mayo Clinic, and is supposed to be very good. I just want him to give us a treatment plan to get her out of pain. Then we can worry about the long term. She’s been living with this severe pain for a month now, and it’s taking a huge toll on her. Being a mommy, I worry that it’s bad in there, and they’ll have to do surgery. Of course, I don’t tell HER that. After all these years of us living on our own, I’ve gotten very good at being an actress, and not letting the girls see *too* much when I’m worried or scared.

The thing that bothers me the most is what if they want to hospitalize her down there for tests or something? It’s too far to drive back and forth. If they refuse to let me stay in the room with her, I’m screwed. I don’t have credit cards to get a hotel room with, my credit still sucks from when I was divorced and filed for bankruptcy. My bank account is pretty dry, between bills and Christmas. Flying solo as a single mom isn’t an easy thing to do, especially right now. I wish there was someone here on a daily basis to share the load with. I do pretty well most of the time. But days like today wear me down emotionally.

Beka’s pain and fever came back last night. Today, she’s been very quiet and down all day. She’s scared, I know… but she won’t talk to me about it, nor let me talk to her about it. I’m not pushing. She knows that we can talk if she wants to. I won’t force it on her.

Anyway, thanks for giving me the opportunity to rant, and for the thoughts and prayers and well-wishes.