The Channel 9 Guy asked me to help him on a project last week. Since I was tired of working (after laboring for eighteen hours straight), I decided to take a break and offer some assistance. I’m proud to present his completely unofficial autobiography. After releasing this video clip to the Web, a transcript was requested. So, now you can follow along with an invisible bouncy ball!

Hey, I’m the Channel 9 Guy. Today, I thought we’d take a quick tour of my apartment. Sit back, relax, and enjoy!

You’ve probably heard of the File Explorer. Well, I’m the original file explorer. Here I am exploring my files! Yes, this is the first explorer… the file explorer. Oh, never mind.

Here I am with my friend, Wicket. He’s a good dog - we play all the time. I don’t mind him at all. Yes, he’s a little bigger than me, and he doesn’t drool much. But, hey… he’s got a face only a Channel 9 Guy could love.

And here’s my Recycle Bin. I’ve got a lot of junk in here today. Hey, do you mind helping me out? I think I’m stuck - right next to that stinky ol’ WMV file. Eeeeeaahh!

Mmmfmf fmmmf mfmmmm fmmmmem. Memmemf mmemm mfffmm mmfffmm mme. Mef! Mmemmme mfmfm memmemememm emmem fmmf emm. Memfmemmef.

Not many people know this, but my favorite snack food is barbeque potato chips. These chips are NOT hydrogenated. Transfats are evil!

Here I am on the audition set for the Spice Guys. Can you point me out? That’s right, I’m standing next to my good friend Dill Weed. He talked me into it.

Time for lunch! I think I’m going to have a nice, juicy steak. Although that popsicle doesn’t sound too bad. And hey, we got some waffles, too. But sorry, we have no bananas today.

I’m Channel 9 Guy the sailor man, I live in a frying pan. They turned on the gas, and I… well, you know the rest of the song!

Time to burn off those waffles. I’ve got to make up for a lot of lost time. It’s kinda hard, because they really don’t design exercise equipment for little foam dudes.

Can anybody spot me? Heeeeeem! Heeeeeeem! Heeem-AHP! I think I got a hernia!

Hey, a little privacy please?!

Is it just me, or is Wil Wheaton larger than life? Hey Wil, I remember you in that one TV show, but WilWheaton.net really rocks.

I was lucky enough to get ahold of a Lockergnome.com cap when they had them for sale at Lockergnome.com. That’s L-O-C-K-E-R-G-N-O-M-E DOT-COM. Yep! I gotta have my Lockergnome.

Luke, I am your father! *hoo-pah* *hoo-pah* This is cool…

And speaking of… Mr. Vader? They say that the length of a Sith Lord’s lightsaber is inversely proportional to… well, you know. Is it?

And in the middle of putting together this documentary, my grandfather stopped by. Can you see the family resemblance? I can’t.

Before I let you go, I thought I would pull this picture from my family album. It’s me at Gnomedex 4 a few days ago. I’m with my good friend, Woz. Yes, he asked me to help him with his speech.

I would like to thank my good friend, Chris Pirillo. He helped me produce today’s tour. And, if it wasn’t for Robert Scoble, I wouldn’t have been able to do this at all. Chris can be found on the Web - just google for his first name. See ya around!