The 24 Hour San Francisco Trip |
What Happened |
Last week, I was called out of town on business. Why? I can't tell ya. However, I'll share as many details about this trip as humanly possible. It all started in the Des Moines International Airport (ya know, the place you'll be flying into for Gnomedex).
I didn't bother checking my luggage (a carry-on roller and Manny III). Gretchen and I walked through the security gates without any alarms going off. Actually, I beeped once, but that's because I forgot to remove my gun before going through the digital trellis. My bad. Anyway, we meandered past the cafe situated in between concourse B and A en route to C. All the way at the end; that's where they keep the dinky planes. "This won't be such a bad trip," I thought. Then I looked up and saw a familiar screen. Oops. I started to feel blue.
I turned around and looked back towards the cafe. Perhaps some peanuts would make me feel better? I walked over and picked up a bag. Mmmmm... freshly roasted. "Now boarding flight 666 to Phoenix." Ah, that's me! I jogged back to the gate and waited for them to call my seat: 1C. That's gotta be good, right? Wrong. I was greeted with a blank wall (3) and no room to store my laptop. To add insult to injury, they had to check my little roller. Gosh darnit. Oh well, at least I could look forward to the snack mix -- which I wouldn't eat anyway. A new flight attendant gave the introduction speech. She goofed in a few places. She actually said: "Cell phones are not prohibited above 10,000 feet." AWESOME!
Things were going fine until we hit major turbulence. I was listening to MIDIs in Winamp at the time; threw my laptop to the floor and white knuckled the arm rests. In a minute, he had climbed and the craziness was over. I looked out the window and saw part of a sundog (4). Woof woof! Time to land.
We were stranded on the runway for a little while. Someone got a little crazy with the Cheeze Whiz, apparently. He got himself all tangled up in some wires (5). I started to get bored, so I wondered what it would be like to be the size of a Star Wars action figure looking at a keyboard (6). Now that was interesting.
I didn't have much of a layover. In fact, by the time I got to the appropriate connection, they were pre-boarding. Which makes me wonder: aren't they boarding? How can you pre-board anything? All of us waiting to board are pre-boarded. Duh. Stupid language. Anyway, this plane wasn't much better (although it was much bigger). Could have used a few inches of leg room, and a non-snoring neighbor. Perhaps the clouds would offer solace (7). "Nah, they're still lookin' puffy."
I decided to go bug the pilots. They seemed interested in my digital camera, which I was waving around like a lunatic. "Can I take your picture?" Yeah, they actually let me (8). Hey, don't look now, but we may be dying in a few nanoseconds... LOOK OUT!
Night fell, as did we. In our final decent, that is. The "No red bars in the bathroom" light came on right before we landed (9). I made it to the luggage carousel before my luggage did. Tom hadn't arrived yet, though. In a few minutes, he was calling me on his cell phone. "Wassup?! I'm in the white car." Ah, there he was -- with a friend (10).
Tom Pepper used to live in Iowa before AOL purchased Winamp. He also used to have brown hair. Bonnie changed that. They drove me to my hotel, where I checked in and unpacked on the 22nd floor. Nice view (11). I ordered room service. Let me tell ya -- California has great seafood, but forget about the steaks. Ack. Beyond horrible (12). Sure, I probably could have found better elsewhere, but it was 11 PM, and Voyager just started. I called Robert Scoble to see if he lived anywhere close. He didn't. Oh well.
Sleep, sleep, sleep... BUZZ! 6:30AM. Wow. Time to get up already? I packed up and checked out through my TV. I flagged down a taxi within 10 seconds of leaving the hotel (13). It was a relatively short drive to my destination. Which, again, I can't share with you at this point.
[Insert Secret Business Stuff Here]
Remember Ken & Brandon? They won Tech TV's Helpful Computer Radio Show host contest (15). I knew where they'd be, so I stopped by the studios and said hello to everyone who I usually don't get to see. Ya know, the people who make everything work. The behind the scenes heroes (14). I even got to meet Joshua (16), who was one of those who coordinated my Webcam appearance on Tech TV a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, Dan had decided to go to Reno on Friday, and Megan was sleeping in. Perhaps our paths will cross next time?
I had a few hours to kill before I had to fly back to Des Moines. Ken, Brandon, and I decided to go to a fancy restaurant in Sausalito called.... uh, I can't remember. It had a great view of San Francisco, though (18). I had swordfish; it was dry and relatively bland. Then again, my taste buds are accustomed to a nice Iowa flank steak, medium rare. Hey -- when in Rome! We did a little sightseeing before blasting back to the airport. Is it just me or is the Golden Gate awfully red (19 & 20)? Nevertheless, we drove down to Pier 39 to pick up some sourdough bread for Gretchen. I also filled up a glass bottle with authentic (colored and scented) sea salts for her, too. Awww...
The trip back home was relatively uneventful. Although, at the Phoenix airport, I was caught slightly off guard. I sat down at my gate, popped open my cell phone, and started to dial my Webley. Suddenly, this girl shouts out: "I thought about dying my hair purple." The woman beside her seemed disinterested, much like a mother would be if her child said such a thing. Anyway, I thought it was odd, but not THAT odd. They started pre-boar... boarding the plane for those passengers with special needs. Apparently, this girl was one of them. She got up and started walking with a limp, being assisted by her mother. Er, not her mother.
I looked down as she ambled past and saw that she was wearing SHACKLES! That was unexpected. She sat in the back of the plane, which was fine by me. I have no idea what she did, and I didn't care to know. I just wanted to get back home and reinstall Windows 2000 as soon as possible. Not.
The End.