Proclaim Your Innocence with the Blood Bath Hand Towel

But officer! I’m not guilty! I was merely holding this 100% cotton, 16″ x 29-1/2″ Blood Bath Hand Towel for my friend for Towel Week! We were on our way to the Towel Day parade when he slipped on some pocket fluff and banged his head! This… this isn’t what it looks like! This towel came like this! You gotta believe me!

Blood Bath Hand Towel
[Image: Spinning Hat]

Feeling guilty because you still don’t have a towel for Towel Week or Towel Day? Get your own Blood Bath Hand Towel here!

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Our resident "Bob" (pictured here through the lens of photographer Jason DeFillippo) is in love with a woman who talks to animals. He has a fondness for belting out songs about seafaring and whiskey (arguably inappropriate in most social situations). He's arm-wrestled robots and won. He was born in a lighthouse on the storm-tossed shores of an island that has since been washed away and forgotten, so he's technically a citizen of nowhere. He's never killed in anger. He once underwent therapy for having an alien in his face, but he assures us that he's now feeling "much better." Fogarty also claims that he was once marooned along a tiny archipelago and survived for months using only his wits and a machete, but we find that a little hard to believe.