Darth Vader Dog Toy Uses Force Squeak with Great Malice

Darth Vader Dog Toy Uses Force Squeak with Great Malice

The Squeak is strong with this Darth Vader Dog Toy. [Image shared by Geek Guide 08/30/13]

Think back to the first time you saw Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope. Whether you were lucky enough to view the now-classic space opera on the big screen during its first run in 1977 or you caught it over the course of mad director George Lucas’ many Frankenstein monster re-releases, one thing was made perfectly clear from the get-go: this Darth Vader guy is one rough customer.

When we’re treated to our first glimpse of the black-clad Lord of the Sith, we don’t know much about him aside from the fact that wiping out an entire front line defense squad during the boarding of a hostile vessel is delegated to an escort of underling stormtroopers as it’s a task that’s obviously beneath him. We may not know if he is a human, an alien, or some kind of robot at this point in the story, but he may as well be passing out business cards to the corpses of the fallen rebel scum at his feet that proudly declare: “I’m The Villain!”

Darth Vader Dog Toy Designed to Ensure That Even Pets Have a Healthy Respect for the Dark Side

Darth Vader Dog Toy Uses Force Squeak with Great Malice

Wicket contemplates the impossible: could this Darth Vader Dog Toy really be his father? [Image shared by Pirillo Vlog 490]

And what a villain! Darth Vader is a villain’s villain. A villain to rewrite the course of villains in science fiction, space opera, and fantasy stories for generations to come.

And, really, shouldn’t every villain worth his salt have a corresponding line of pet products to ensure that our four-legged family members tremble in their presence just like we do? That’s why a Darth Vader Dog Toy was designed to keep curious canines (and maybe even ferocious felines) in check when you’re away.

This is a task that’s not beneath the artist formerly known as Anakin Skywalker, though he can always call in the stormtroopers if he’s got more pressing Sith business elsewhere. Overseeing payroll for the personnel department of a fully armed and operational battle station? Recharging the batteries for his lightsaber? Foot rub for the Emperor? We dare not hazard awkward guesses.

Also, in spite of what Star Wars: Episode I – The Fanta Menace tries to tell us, I refuse to believe that Darth Vader ever said “yippee!” But a malicious, Force-driven squeak? Totally plausible. That’s why the Darth Vader Dog Toy makes me shiver in the seat where I write this in spite of late summer, Tatooine-like heat in a room that has no air conditioning.

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Our resident "Bob" (pictured here through the lens of photographer Jason DeFillippo) is in love with a woman who talks to animals. He has a fondness for belting out songs about seafaring and whiskey (arguably inappropriate in most social situations). He's arm-wrestled robots and won. He was born in a lighthouse on the storm-tossed shores of an island that has since been washed away and forgotten, so he's technically a citizen of nowhere. He's never killed in anger. He once underwent therapy for having an alien in his face, but he assures us that he's now feeling "much better." Fogarty also claims that he was once marooned along a tiny archipelago and survived for months using only his wits and a machete, but we find that a little hard to believe.