A Bolivian Goat Hoof Rattle in the Hand is worth Two on the Internet

Like friendship, goats are magic! And we’ve been embracing the heck out of this magic during the admittedly odd and arbitrarily convened Goat Week at Chris Pirillo’s odd behest.

As much as we love goats, though, even we can’t deny this fact: nobody appreciates the goat as much as the Bolivians.

A Bolivian Goat Hoof Rattle in the Hand is Worth Two on the Internet
[Image: Amazon]

As Bolivian parents tell their kids: “Snitches get stitches, but if you tattle, you might wind up with a goat hoof rattle.” This mantra is meant to demonstrate the value of spying on one’s peers for the benefit of authorities, because everyone wants a goat hoof rattle (and parents always want to get to the bottom of whatever mischief their kids are getting into). What’s a goat hoof rattle (or goat hoof shaker in some circles)? It’s exactly what it sounds like: a rattle made from the hooves of goats. Which is basically a bunch of goat toenails tied together and rattled (or shaken) to make a pleasant din. As you can see in this Smithsonian Folklife video, the second guy from the left is playing a pair of ’em about two minutes into it.

Oh, don’t make that face! I’ll bet nobody’s lining up to make musical instruments out of your toenails, are they?

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Our resident "Bob" (pictured here through the lens of photographer Jason DeFillippo) is in love with a woman who talks to animals. He has a fondness for belting out songs about seafaring and whiskey (arguably inappropriate in most social situations). He's arm-wrestled robots and won. He was born in a lighthouse on the storm-tossed shores of an island that has since been washed away and forgotten, so he's technically a citizen of nowhere. He's never killed in anger. He once underwent therapy for having an alien in his face, but he assures us that he's now feeling "much better." Fogarty also claims that he was once marooned along a tiny archipelago and survived for months using only his wits and a machete, but we find that a little hard to believe.