Virgin Mary Toaster: Biggest Miracle Since Sliced Bread

Virgin Mary Toaster: Biggest Miracle Since Sliced Bread

Is the Virgin Mary Toaster the biggest miracle since sliced bread? See for yourself! [Image shared by Amazon]

This time of year is no stranger to the mention of miracles; one only need look at one of the most popular holiday movies of all time, Miracle on 34th Street, to see a prime example. It makes sense; in the dead of winter’s cold, we need something bigger than ourselves to look to. With this Virgin Mary Toaster, you can wake up to your own personal miracle each morning. What better way to help make it through a Monday morning than a beatific vision with breakfast?

What better way, indeed? For what are thought to be mysterious reasons, the Virgin Mary often appears to the devout in the form of edibles. Scholars at the University of WhatsamattU‘s Mythological Fabricationalisms division have recently completed a superficial study into this phenomenon.

Their conclusions have no doubt given rise to the production of the Virgin Mary Toaster. Let us explore an except from their findings:

Motherhood in the animal and human kingdom is the state of being a food delivery mechanism. This can be seen not only in lesser mammals, but also in the translated babblings of human babies referring to the maternal parent as the “snacky milk sack.” This, we believe, is the primary reason for the Virgin Mary appearing most often to humans in form of edibles.

There is, however, a secondary and more subtle mechanism operating in these miracles. Edibles such as toast (such as produced from the Virgin Mary Toaster) is taken into the body and used to create and sustain physical forms of life. By appearing on an edible, the Virgin Mary can suffuse the bodies of the devout with spiritual essence.

Virgin Mary Toaster Makes Every Morning a Miracle

Pretty convincing stuff! One might even wonder if there is some secret conspiracy between the Vatican and the makers of the Virgin Mary toaster to spread miracles through the world. Not a very sinister conspiracy, if you ask me. We could always use a little bit of the mystical in our day. The question remains, however: does the use of this Virgin Mary Toaster call up a miracle each and every day and infuse your bread with spiritual power?

The only way to find out is to buy a Virgin Mary Toaster today and see for yourself!

Article Written by

  • Scott Adams

    I am sure this meant as tongue in cheek joke, but I suspect many of my Catholic friends will find this blasphemous as they worship Mary as a saint. Best of luck on the firestorm that may be coming your way!

    • http://robertglenfogarty.com/ Robert Glen Fogarty

      Breakfast is a blessing, not a blaspheming! Hallelujah to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Toast. Amen.

  • fstocking

    If you could power this toaster by burning the Koran……………just imagine.