Until recently, if you’d asked me what the heck a Yepi was, I’d have to guess that it might be the more agreeable cousin of the Yeti (or, as we call it up here in the Pacific Northwest, the Sasquatch). Nopi. As it turns out, Yepi is a portal of Flash games that you can play online for free.
While I’ve said in the past that I’m not generally a big fan of Flash (and agree with a lot of points that the late Steve Jobs made about the technology), I can’t deny that it’s still got its uses. Then again, I may have said the same of GeoCities back in 1999, but that’s neither here nor there. Lots of these Flash games are simple enough to have been Atari 2600 standards back in the day, but that doesn’t mean they’re not potentially addicting time-wasters that will kill off any hope of hitting a deadline on time — especially on a Friday (when I began to take a look at Yepi).
Remember: Tetris is my favorite game of all time. If that’s the sort of thing that can fill your hours and stave off more constructive activities (like personal hygiene and sleeping), you may want to avoid Yepi like the plague.
Not scared off yet? Good! Here are some of what are currently considered the best rated games on Yepi. I would have gotten this your way sooner, but I got stuck playing Awesome Tanks 2 and I’m never going to get that hour of my life back. See what we go up against here at LockerGnome to bring you the fun? It’s a dangerous job.
Yepi Fireboy and Watergirl in the Forest Temple / the Light Temple / the Ice Temple
In this trilogy of Yepi games, you control both Fireboy and Watergirl (two great characters that go great together) and try to navigate them from place to place with as many gems as possible in as short a period of time as you can. By controlling Fireboy with the arrow keys and Watergirl with the A,W, and D keys, the real trick is using both characters at your disposal effectively and efficiently; it’s harder than it sounds (unless it already sounds hard to you, in which case, it’s exactly what you think it is).
There are different perils that each character must avoid, so you can’t just move them together. For example, Watergirl can shrug off a pit of water that will snuff out poor Fireboy; likewise, a pit of fire will be harmless to Fireboy, but will evaporate Watergirl more quickly than the cancellation of a Friends spin-off. Coordination is key here, and you’ll try to improve upon your time, level after level, as the clock taunts you with the feeling that you can always do better.
Sure, some kindergartener half a world away can probably always navigate Fireboy and Watergirl’s dangerous paths better and faster than you. Luckily, you’re not really competing against anyone else. We’re all our own worst enemies, after all.
Lesson learned: In The Forest Temple, The Light Temple, and The Ice Temple, Fireboy and Watergirl teach us that it’s perfectly okay to plunder ancient temples for personal gain and have fun doing so. It’s quite possible that they donate all proceeds to an Indiana Jones-approved museum, or they use their ill-gotten gains to back an illicit chess ring in the seedier parts of the Prime Material Plane. Yepi leaves us to guess what these weird elemental beings’ motives are (and why their fire and water parents are letting them defy death so casually without adult supervision).
Yepi Snail Bob and Snail Bob 2
Snail Bob comes from humble beginnings, as the folksy synthbanjo music of the introduction clearly indicates. Unfortunately, like many humble folks who try to live their lives peacefully, “never meanin’ no harm” to others, Snail Bob must contend with a number of villains who either want to eat Snail Bob, steal his shell, incinerate him alive, drop him from vertigo-inducing, shell-shattering heights, or any other nasty way to shuffle off his sluggish (but still very mortal) coil that one might imagine.
Yepi must be run by some really sick mollusk sadists. I worry that more than a few slugs and snails were salted as “research” for this particular duo of games.
Anyway, the gameplay mostly involves the manipulation of elements in the environment around Snail Bob that will either help him make it to the end of each level, or send him quickly to a horrific demise that will haunt you for the rest of your days — his fate is, after all, in your hands (as he has none of his own; he’s a snail). You can speed up Snail Bob to what passes for mach 2 in snail paces or have him hide inside of his shell to wait out the hazards of his tormenting hellscape, but most of the dangers he encounters are out of his direct control.
Lesson learned: If you’re thinking of leaving the house, you should reconsider. The world is fraught with often unavoidable trouble that has a good chance of killing you — no matter how careful you think you’re being. Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean the universe isn’t after you. You can stay inside and play synth banjo all day if you like; order food and other necessities on the Internet and have it shipped to your mailbox. (This is why snail mail exists in the first place.) Over all, it’s a pretty sound message to people of all ages, Yepi.
Yepi Angry Birds
Ah, Angry Birds. Do we even need to discuss what happens in Angry Birds? Chances are, if you’re inclined to play the kinds of games you’ll find on Yepi, you’ve already dabbled in this addictive scenario whereby pigs are subjected to abuse by birds, which are, in the grand scheme of things, abused by you propelling them through the air by way of slingshot.
It’s not the most dignified way for a bird to fly, and this may account for the intrinsic anger of the birds. The pigs are probably just patsies in the whole arrangement, and I don’t think they’re all that happy about it, either. They don’t seem to be downright angry, but Morose Entities of Porcine Persuasion would have been an awful name for this game.
But not a performance art band. Just throwing it out there…
Lesson learned: Suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune is one thing, but chances are good that swine flu or avian flu will just knock you out anyway, no matter which side of the conflict you find yourself. The Yepi version of Angry Birds seems to be in Vietnamese, which probably accounts for triggering my sudden need for some pork and chicken pho. Mmm!
These are just the top Yepi games at the moment, but there are… I’m not going to count them, but I’m guessing there are dozens upon dozens from which you can choose. Which ones are your favorites?