Adding The Finishing Touches To Beijing

As you all know, the Beijing 2008 Summer Olympics are fast approaching. It is a purely symbolic gesture that China wanted to have the games commence on the 8th day of the 8th month of the 8th year after the second millennium. What is not symbolic about China is the pollution, traffic and the lack of correct teachings of the English language. Those are only a handful of concerns that the Chinese government has been faced with come the 8th of August. Here is a detailed list showing off the major problems that must be seriously dealt with before the Olympic games are fully on their way:

• SUBWAY LINES: Three new subway lines and 2,000 more buses will help carry 4 million more commuters on public transportation.

Better than any system I know in… the World?

• CARS: Starting yesterday, half of Beijing’s 3.3 million cars come off the roads, under an alternate days, odd-even, licence plate system. 

So that’s why they revamped the subway lines.

• CIGARETTES: Smoking is banned in sports venues, on public transport, in parks, schools and taxis.

Good, so deal with it.

• QUEUING: Citizens are encouraged to line up, instead of rushing, for doors and services.

I really want to see if this will actually work in one of the places with the highest population density in the world.

• MILITARY: A 100,000-strong anti-terrorism force. And surface-to-air missiles have been deployed around major venues.

How many troops do we have in Iraq again?

• BAD BEHAVIOUR: Gambling, sit-ins, demonstrations, drunkenness and streaking are all banned from Games venues.

No one likes an angry-drunk who constantly gambles and demonstrates by streaking, do we?

• SPITTING: Enforcing fines of 50 yuan (about $7.40) against citizens who spit in public areas.

Better hope no soon-to-be-married Greeks are raining on the parade, might be an expensive wedding.

• DOG MEAT: Hotels and restaurants will stop serving dog meat.

This time, you CAN bring your dog to China.

• TRAFFIC SCANNERS: About 10,000 cameras and “smart” devices are monitoring major roads to catch drivers of “illegal cars.”

I would be surprised if their were cars on the road after Beijing gets rid of the planned 3.3 million of them.

• VOLUNTEERS: About 400,000 city volunteers will be at kiosks to help 2.5 million expected visitors. Another 100,000 Games volunteers will staff the Olympics and Paralympics.

I don’t even think Oprah could pull together these many volunteers.

• CHINGLISH: Officials have been trying to wipe out Chinglish, a quirky, nonsensical language combining both Chinese and English, off menus and road signs. One example? “Racist Park” signpost at a park celebrating ethnic diversity. Crimes against grammar range from spelling mistakes to paragraphs of total gibberish. 

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