President McCain (an ode to the Democrats)

We at the Republican party would just like to congratulate our Democratic friends on selecting Barack Hussein Obama as their presidential candidate for the next election.

I really felt this would be a hard election for the loonies on the left to lose given the deep unpopularity of the Bush and Cheney team. But lo and behold, they’ve managed to pull another rabbit out of the hat by choosing Obama to lead them to another crushing defeat in November.

The cold hard facts are simple:

• George Bush is the most unpopular president in the history of the United States
• The disastrous Iraq war is even less popular than Bush
• National debt now stands at $9,396,858,436,919.48
• Each American roughly owns a $30,899.01 share of this debt
• Oil prices are spiralling out of control
• Food prices continue to rocket
• The economy is tanking even worse than Keith Oblermann’s ratings
• The US Dollar is only accepted as toilet paper overseas

Despite all these facts, Obama is still running only about level with McCain nationally in opinion polls. This is before we’ve even had a real chance to go on the offensive and start exposing all the flaws in Obama’s character, friends, and complete lack of experience. Small wonder Hilary Clinton is seething and refusing to concede defeat in the race. She still hopes the party will realise their mistake before the election is held, and before they get beat up bad by the electorate…. again.

I’m sure there will be a lot of crying about irregular electronic votes, provable fraud, and evil Republicans getting together to steal another election - before John McCain officially takes office. But I wanted to be among the first to congratulate John McCain on fulfilling a political destiny by becoming the leader of the free world.