6 Best Movie Virgins Who Finally Got Some

So here they are, the list of the best movie virgins who finally got some. The following six film characters were so chosen because, first and foremost, they were either self-admitted virgins OR, at least, so very obvious so without admitting it themselves.

Moreover, though, these characters were also chosen for the sheer depths they dove to to acquire their oh-so-precious nookies. Some had very complicated personal journeys, others literally went to the end of the world and beyond in the name of love.

Give it up for these guys.

6.  Simon Tam

A once prominent doctor/surgeon in his field, Dr. Simon Tam could have gone on to be one of the best if he’d so chosen.

Why We’re Sure He’s a Virgin: It’s all in his walk, in his talk and, more than anything else, in the way he is so very awkward around Serenity’s lovely mechanic Kayleigh. Plus the guy is WAY too uptight to have known a women’s touch, and what with all the studying and ambition he had to go through to be one of the best doctors in his class, there’s just no way he had time for a girl in his younger days.

Why He Was Chosen: Considering how great a doctor this young man was about to become — how wealthy and well-spoken of he would have been — he gave it all up with hardly a seconds thought to rescue his sister, River, from a government experiment facility. Knowing he could never go back home, he took her into hiding and was always willing to do whatever it took, no matter what kind of sacrifice it meant from himself, to keep her safe. So when he finally nabs his free-spirited beauty at the close of Serenity, we understand he was far more than deserving.

Now if only Joss Whedon will give us Serenity 2 so that River, who by all accounts is a virgin too, can find herself a little love in the ‘Verse as well.

5.  Donnie Darko

A teenage boy with “emotional problems,” Donnie Darko was just your slightly off-average high school kid until fate decided to deal him one of the world’s most confusing hands: tragic savior.

Why We’re Sure He’s a Virgin: Well, he is a teenage boy in high school with a somewhat colorful past and likes “thinking about fucking a lot,” that’s all I’m saying…

Why He Was Chosen: With all the stress that comes with adolescence, Donnie’s got a bit more to worry about these days. Impending world destruction’ll do that. Donnie’s life is rescued by a man in a giant bunny suit named Frank, who only Donnie can see, and for that Donnie decides that he must now obey whatever Frank tells him in order to save the world. And he does all of this while also trying to court new girlfriend, Gretchen Ross. And it is because of his love for her that in the end he sacrifices himself so that she and the rest of the world can live.

4.  WALL-E

Hear me out on this one. Here we have the loneliest robot in the entire world. WALL-E has spent the last 700+ years cleaning up the trash that humans left behind, and he’s done it all by himself.

Why We’re Sure He’s a Virgin: Well, as I said, he HAS been alone all of this time, save for one little cockroach that serves as his pet.

Why He Was Chosen: Here is a robot who, by all accounts, probably did not have much of personality when he first rolled off the assembly line. But after 700 years of cleaning up garbage all day, every day, something in his “mind” clicked and he began collecting piles and piles of knick-knacks that he found to be more interesting than the other trash which eventually caused him to develop into the lovable bot we all know today. And then one day a shiny new robot arrives and WALL-E is instantly taken with “her” — so much so that he travels the galaxy to be with her, nearly getting himself killed in doing so.  Oh, and he also effectively saves Earth in the process

So can robots actually BE virgins or non-virgins? Well, before this movie I wasn’t even sure robots could fall in love, so who knows. All I know is that WALL-E gets as far with EVE as his robot parts possibly can. I call that a win.

3.  Andy Stitzer

An obvious choice — the movie is called The 40-Year-Old Virgin after all. Andy Stitzer is a fairly normal kind of guy. He enjoys comics, video games, toys, and even karaoke.

Why We’re Sure He’s a Virgin: Aside from the obvious, he’s forty and is still WAY into comics, video games, toys, and even karaoke! He also has a hilarious past with women whom he’s tried to get with to no avail.

Why He Was Chosen: Andy was a guy who had pretty well completely given up on women. Even after his new friends try their hardest to get the man laid, it still all seems to be in vain and Andy becomes even more hopeless than ever. Until, of course, one day the pretty lady from the eBay store across the street, Trish, walks into his life. From the very first moment they meet Andy instantly seems to be at ease around her and lo and behold they begin dating. Andy eventually has to overcome his extremely poor self-confidence to be with Trish as his affection for her grows more and more and eventually he professes to her that he always thought there was something wrong with him because he was a virgin but now he realizes that he was really just saving himself for her.

A truly sappy line, but on a man like Andy Stitzer, it works.

2.  Jamal Malik

A boy who grew up in the slums of India, Jamal Malik finds himself to be probably THE LUCKIEST contestant on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? So lucky, in fact, that everyone believes he is cheating which leads to a round of torture which leads to Jamal explaining his life story.

Why We’re Sure He’s a Virgin: LATIKA! The girl of his dreams, the one he believes he is destined to be with. Yet time after time she is stripped away from him again. She’s really the only girl that’s ever been in his life that he finds interesting so logic dictates that he’s probably never been with anyone else.

Why He Was Chosen: As we are shown Jamal’s life story and all of the tough times he’s gone through (his mother’s death, child enslavement, betrayal from his brother, and a plethora of beatings throughout his life) we understand that he endures all of it to get the girl, the one that is always eluding him. Everything he does, it seems, is an attempt to find and be with her. Hell, the only reason he was on the hit game show to begin with was because he thought that she would be watching. And so as the host of the show continues to give him questions that it seems only fate could throw at him, Jamal not only wins the money but he finally gets the girl as well.

How could Latika possibly say ‘no’?

1.  Kyle Reese

A resistance soldier who fights to save mankind in the war against Skynet and the machines. Skynet is eventually defeated but not before a terminator unit is sent back in time to kill Sarah Connor, the mother of the future leader of The Resistance. Kyle Reese is thus selected to go back in time as well to be her protector.

Why We’re Sure He’s a Virgin: Sure, he’s a fairly badass soldier and can handle himself in the most insane situations, but as it turns out, there aren’t many women in his life in the future. Upon Sarah’s probing of whether he had someone special in his life back home, he simply shakes his head. “Not even once?” she asks. Kyle looks down and says nothing.

Why He Was Chosen: What, besides the fact that he is the father of the savior of mankind?  Well, I suppose he doesn’t know that, which really makes his love for Sarah all the more powerful. He didn’t come back in time to ensure that he impregnate Sarah (again, how could he know?).  As he states, “I came across time for you, Sarah. I love you. I always have.” What is at first a story about a soldier carrying out his mission to simply save the girl becomes a story about a man going across time to save the woman he loves, yet has never met. He, too, sacrifices himself in the end for the girl, but not before “ensuring” himself as the father of John Connor.

He gets the top spot not just for FINALLY getting laid but because in doing so he effectively saves the entire human race from extinction.  Who can compete with that?